


Laurens Do Not Throw Away Your Shot: Part 2

by ImmaDoAThing



Series: Call Me John Laurens [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Characters, Bullying, Dysphoria, Emotional Abuse, Foster Care, Gay Characters, Gonna go build some cabinets will all this pine., Homophobia, I feel like I have to apologize for all of this… Just don’t hate me…, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, Just the Whole Damn Rainbow, Kids are dicks, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Mutual Pining, Non-Binary Peggy, Non-binary character, Other, Past Child Abuse, Past physical abuse, Pining, Pre-T Trans Character, Slow Burn, Therapy, They are all just trying their best, Trans Characters, Trans John Laurens, Trans Problems, Transphobia, endgame of big happy family, ftm character, it wouldn't be a CMJL fic without pining, lots of pining, soooo....., the slowest and the burnie-est
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2018-10-27 09:43:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10806603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmaDoAThing/pseuds/ImmaDoAThing
Summary: John Laurens has one shot. One shot to make a good impression in the Washington Household. One shot to convince his therapist about his gender identity. One shot to make good friends and build a life. One shot to put the past behind him. But how can he when the voice in his head keeps telling him all the things he doesn’t want to hear?High school can be torture even when you aren’t so different from your classmates. New friends and new enemies come out of the woodwork of Yorktown High. Can John navigate the battlefield of high school without his traditional amor? Lucklily for him, he has a few knights in shining armor to help shield him. If he can keep himself from sabotaging all his relationshipsPart two of Laurens Do Not Throw Away Your Shot.Updates Wednesdays(On Hiatus... sorry everyone....)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the third story in the Call Me John Laurens universe! I know this has taken a while… I’ve had some issues at home, between roommates not paying rent, things breaking in my house, loosing my word processor when my computer died, and actually developing some sort of social life things have been a little bit weird. 
> 
> I super excited to start getting into the school part of John’s journey! I have some really great things planned and a whole lot of revolutionary characters will be popping up in this one. This should be a really fun story! Of course it won’t be without some angst and pining, by now you guys know me. Lol. 
> 
> So I really hope you enjoy may hard work!

John was buzzing with pent up nervous energy. He sat with his legs crossed and one foot jiggling the rest of his body, trying to release that energy in some other way than hitting the man in front of him.

His therapist did not deserve to be punched… 

Intellectually, he knew that his therapist was a good man, one that had done much for him in the short three weeks he’d been at the Washington’s home. He actually respected the man; they’d make a crazy amount of progress in less than a full month. John felt safer than he’d ever felt in his life. And John knew that part of that was because of the work that this man was putting into him. 

It’s just that at this moment in time, there was too much energy inside of him… Emotionally, John wanted to fight. It’s how he dealt with this type of feeling. John needed some kind of outlet. His natural response was to fight. 

“You seem agitated, John.” His therapist said, calmly. Just making an observation.

“I’m nervous about school…” John replied. 

He was only a few days away from starting his last semester of senior year. He had to pass every one of the seven classes he was taking to get a diploma and not have to go back for another semester. He had to pass the three classes before and after his regular school day and continue to keep his grades passing throughout the year or the teachers could cancel the classes and he would automatically have to go for another semester of high school. Not only were the three teachers agreeing to teach him exclusively, but also the principal was bending the rules of the school by waiving the need for a sport extracurricular in favor for his two after school classes. The Washingtons had vouched for him to the principal and the teachers; he owed it to them to pass these classes. He’d never felt so much pressure to do well. 

“Yes. Seven classes, it’s going to be tough.” His therapist observed. “I want to discuss ways of coping with negativity and judgment from others. We need to make fighting take a back seat to other ways of dealing with others, John.”

“That obvious?” John asked, running his thumbs over his knuckles and smiling sheepishly at the other man. 

The therapist chuckled. He pulled out ‘the file’ and marked many points that his social worker had written, “‘Combative nature, frequently in fights at school, needs outlet for aggression’ of course this was all written over the course of a week, so there is room for error.”

John snorted and forced himself to lean back in the chair he was sitting in. He began to crack his knuckles to relieve the tension and the therapist noticed. 

“I'm going to give you some objects to fidget with, I’ll contact the school and they should let you play with them in class. Of course, if a teacher decides that they are too much of a distraction, you will have to refrain from using them in that class, but hopefully we can get to a place where the toys aren’t needed for your extra nervous energy.” The therapist pulled out a few small things, one was a top, another a small box with a switch on one side and a dial on the other and different patterned ridges all the way around. 

John picked that one up and asked. “What does the switch do?”

“Nothing.” The therapist said. “It’s just to flip when you need to move or do something to take your mind off of… well whatever your mind is on.”

John nodded. He flipped the switch a few times, ran his fingers over the ridges of the box. There were more objects laid out on the table between them, John really didn’t pay attention to them. The timer dinged and he collected the top and a couple other things that the therapist had laid out. “I’ll bring you back the ones that don’t work.”

“That’s fine.” The other man said. He was making a note in John’s file and looked up at the young man and smiled. “I do have good news for you today, John. In my opinion, you are not suicidal. The addition of this note in your file was erroneous. If you’d like, you can begin inhabiting your own room at the Washingtons.”

John was floored. He’d gotten used to sleeping with the rest of the Washington’s foster kids. It was the last night he would sleep with Lafayette and they had already made plans for him to start the cycle again. Hercules and Alex had been practically bouncing at the prospect of having him stay in their rooms for a second round. But if he was able to sleep in his own room… He realized that he was looking forward to having his own space again.

“Wow. That’s great. Thanks.” John said. He and the therapist left the room, walked down the hall to the lobby. 

Martha Washington, his foster mother, had meetings today at work. She’d been able to take off much of the month that her foster children were out of classes, but vacation was over, for her at least. George Washington, his foster father, was at the university. There were pre-planning meetings for the new semester coming up. Neither of them had been able to drive John to his therapist meeting.

Hercules Mulligan sat in one of the chairs in the waiting room. He was reading a magazine but stood when he saw John leave the therapists office. John felt a bit of a flutter in his chest when the other teen unfurled himself to his full height. He was tall, though just a bit shorter than John, and had ebony skin short hair and dark, kind eyes.

His smile made John skip a breath as it stretched across his face and showed his white teeth. John began to chew on his lip to keep from doing something in front of his therapist he’d regret. Foster siblings couldn’t be together. They couldn’t stay in the same house if things were to happen. And the Washington’s home in upstate New York was the only option for John. He had no choice; he had to ignore his feelings. That didn’t make it any easier…

“All done?” Hercules asked, patting down his pants legs and sorting through the keys in his hand to find the car key.

“Done.” John said, fiddling with the switch in his pocket. He might like this switch.

They confirmed the next appointment, Wednesday after the start of school next week, and left the therapist’s office for the car.

“So Laf texted,” Hercules made conversation as they approached the car. “He’s finally awake, but it looks like Alex is on one of his sleeping benders. So he won’t be waking up anytime soon.”

Hercules laughed, a deep sound that invited John to laugh along. He gave a breathy chuckle that wasn’t really a laugh, but would have to do for now. 

“You ok?” Hercules asked. “I don’t really know what you need after these things… Don’t see you until you’ve had a chance to process a bit.”

“I’ll be fine.” John sunk into the seat of the car, looking out the window at the snow-covered town. He usually used the thirty or so minutes home to process before having to put on the ‘Happy John’ face for the others. Martha never said anything, she just let him brood. Today wasn’t any different, even though he had good news.  The therapist’s office was just emotionally draining…

Part of him wondered at how much was about to change in the house. Would this school be the same as the last? Would Herc, Laf and Alex still want to interact with him at school? Sometimes someone would be kind to him in private, but not want to tarnish their reputation in public… He hated those people more than the ones who were just openly contemptuous toward him all the time. John really hoped that the three would not be those people, but decided that he’d have to just deal with it. There would only be four and a half months until he would be able to get away. 

Herc waited a few minutes in silence and then perked up. At a stoplight, he pulled out his phone and synced it with the car’s sound system. Demi Lovato’s cover of ‘Let It Go’ began to play softly through the car. John glanced over at Herc and noticed that the other boy was lip syncing to the music with exaggerated movements. 

Herc was being incredibly transparent; Frozen was John’s favorite movie. It was a ploy to get John’s mood to lighten. He appreciated it, he really did. John smiled at the idiot driving the car.

 

***

 

Herc looked at John from the corner of his eye, focused still on the road but glancing over to the passenger’s seat. He noticed John smile; a crooked, tiny thing, rusty from disuse but there none-the-less. Herc’s own smile stretched across his face in response as he went into the first chorus.

“Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see!” Hercules changed lanes and used the moment he was checking the side mirror to look at John more closely. He was a scrawny kid. Caramel colored skin covered in more freckles than any one person could count; bright green eyes, usually wary of the world and it’s cruelties, but now looking over at Herc with a tiny crinkle at the corners as he experienced some emotion that Herc didn’t have a word for yet. His hair was light brown and was currently a mop of half-formed curls about two inches long. John had kept it short until he arrived at the Washington’s. He’d explained to Herc and the others that it was easer for him to pass with the shorter hair, especially before he’d been able to get a full wardrobe of men’s clothes. Herc didn’t know if he had any plans to cut it again, John hadn’t mentioned it. Honestly, the lengthening hair was having an effect on all three teens in the Washington’s house, they all had decided not to mention it in the hopes that John would keep growing it. 

John was wearing the leather jacket that they had gotten him for Christmas, the black leather crossing John’s chest and obscuring anything of his figure. From experience, Herc knew John was lean to the point of lanky. He was a little bit taller than Herc but only by an inch or so. He had long, nimble hands, the hands of a painter. Herc also knew that John wished that he were more muscular, less curvy. He wore very boxy clothing to hide his hips and chest. He had come to the Washington’s home covered in bruises and with a set of broken ribs. The ribs were still in the process of healing, so Martha and George had told John that he wasn’t going to be allowed to bind his chest until the doctor gave him a clean bill of health. With school comping up next week and the ribs only half healed, Hercules foresaw a need to keep an eye on the other teen at school. John was a bit sensitive of his looks and had already gotten into a fight with one of the school’s hockey players over the Christmas break. Not only did they not need John to get into trouble for fighting, but Hercules didn’t want John to risk breaking his ribs again and having to wait longer to feel more comfortable in his skin. Hercules would watch the other boy’s back.

John joined in singing the song in the middle of the chorus, not belting like Hercules but humming along and singing the lyrics at a quieter volume. Hercules let the other boy be without asking any more questions. The car was filled with companionable silence except for the sounds of the soundtrack starting again: ‘Do you wanna build a snowman?’

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have Alex and Laf being Alex and Laf! And a little bump in the road for John’s high school career.

When John and Hercules got home, they discovered Alex and Lafayette engaged in an argument of epic proportions in the downstairs living room.

“Non! I do not care, Alexander!” Lafayette was standing over the considerably smaller teen, holding a slightly crumpled envelope above his head and well out of reach of the other boy.

“C’mon, Laf! I just want to see if any of ours are the same!” Alex actually jumped to try and reach the envelope but Lafayette spun and kept the paper out of his reach. Alex jumped on the couch and grabbed again, falling over the back and landing with a thump.

“It is not like they won’t be home soon, Alexander.” Lafayette said, leaning over the back of the couch. “You can wait fifteen minutes.”

“No, I can’t, Laf…” Alex grumbled, getting up quickly hoping to surge forward and grab the envelope from the French teen when he was off guard.

“You will have to be much faster than that, Mon Ami.” Lafayette laughed pulling the envelope out of Alex’s reach.

“What is going on?” John asked as they shut the door and removed their coats and jackets.

“Our class schedules for next semester were delivered this morning.” Alex said, pulling a paper out of his pocket and waving it around. “Like I said, English and Chemistry, and then my electives: Economics, and World Politics.”

“You’re taking World Politics as an elective?” Hercules asked, disgusted. “Why would you do that to yourself?”

“Hey! I like politics!” Alex said.

“Oui, but Alexander wanted to open our dear Laurens’ envelope as well as your own, Hercules.” Lafayette said to Herc. John tried to not react to Lafayette calling him ‘our dear Laurens’ but found it difficult to hide the blush that crept up his neck and cheeks. He settled for ‘accidentally’ tangling his scarf around his head and spent the next few minutes righting himself. _Wow, you are such a looser…_

“Any way!” Alex said, grabbing a hold of Lafayette’s arm and dragging the other teen over to the two in the foyer. “Give them the letters now so I can see what classes they’re taking!”

Lafayette mock sighed in exasperation and pushed the letters on Hercules and John. Hercules automatically ripped into his letter, groaning when he saw his classes. “They gave me my last choice of electives, Home Ec and Chorus…”

“Yah, but those are bird courses,” Alex said, taking the paper from him and putting his side by side to compare. “You just have to show up and you pass the classes. Yes! You have the same Chemistry as me! Score! And your Algebra 3 teacher is hard, but good.”

“Well at least I’m guaranteed to pass three of my classes this semester.” Herc grumbled. “What classes did you get, Laf?” 

“Algebra 3 as well, but with a different teacher, Chemistry with you and Alexander, and my electives are Spanish and Band.” Lafayette had sat on one of the steps up to the second floor and arranged his long legs out in front of him, leaning back on his elbows.

“Spanish?” John asked, surprised.

“Well, I already know French, non?” Lafayette asked. “I thought it might be fun to see what the language of passion tastes like on my tongue.”

“You realize I speak Spanish fluently?” Alex asked with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk. 

“All the more reason to take the class, I have the best in house tutor I could hope for.” Lafayette shrugged his one shoulder shrug, tipping his head to the side and flashing Alex a huge smile. 

John was a little surprised, were Alex and Lafayette flirting with each other? Maybe he wasn’t the only one with a crush on his house mates? No. It couldn’t be that. _You’re the only one hopelessly in love with the three of them, greedy girl. Just projecting your feelings onto the others, its sad really. Even after all of the therapy you’ve had, you’re still one big pile of fucked up._

John flinched away from his thoughts, drawing the attention of the other teens. Laf had a questioning quirk to his eyebrows. Hercules reached out to squeeze his arm in support. Alex shook himself and turned his attention to John. “What classes are you taking this semester, John?”

John stared at the envelope in his hands, did he really want to know? What if he had no classes with the others? All the people around him would be unfamiliar… possibly hostile. But what if he did have classes with the other three and they chose to ignore him or join in on the teasing and harassment durning the school day? What if they didn’t? What if they remained the nice, caring, goofy boys that he’d come to know over the past few weeks and he just kept falling in love with the three of them? He was pretty sure it was at least deeper than infatuation by now. A feeling bigger than a crush, but not yet to the level of full-on love letters, sitting by the window in the rain, sighing over the quirk of an eyebrow, head over heels in love. 

“You want to go have lunch instead?” Hercules asked, picking up on John’s reluctance and indecision. “I’m feeling some grilled cheese.”

John smiled and they moved to the kitchen, but he continued to toy with the envelope. The uncertainty was too much for him, he needed to at least know if they would have any of the same classes. He tore open the letter and pulled out the paper, his heart beating five times faster than it should have been… 

“What’d you get?” Alex asked, looking over his shoulder. A feat only accomplished because John had sat at the large farm style table as soon as he entered the kitchen. Lafayette and Hercules looked over with interest from where they were preparing the sandwiches.

“Uhh… Art is my first class.” John began. “You know the class before the actual school day begins. It looks like I have thirty minutes between that class and the regular school day.”

“They have to give you some study time.” Lafayette said with a nod, his poofy ponytail bobbing along with his movement. “Not that anyone actually studies during that time.”

“Then I have English, Chemistry, Algebra-“ He was cut off as Alex snatched his letter out of his hand. 

Scanning the page he whooped in excitement, “Yes! We all have the same Chemistry!”

The other two perked up and cheered as well. John smiled, the enthusiasm was catching. Until: _Unless they are just happy to be able to publicly spurn you. Keep their reputations clean at the school._ The Voice sneered in his head. ’No, they won’t. Why would they be so happy to hang out with you here and at the mall that one time only to turn around and treat you like crap at school?’ _Because they are two-faced dicks and they only see you as a charity case and a weak girl. ‘_ They have proven time and again that they don’t think of you as a girl.’ _Ha! That’s rich!_

“John?” Alex asked softly, pulling him away from the argument in his head. It was like having his father on one side and his therapist on the other. A devil and an angel dukeing it out over how John should feel about different situations.  He forced himself to focus back on the other three teenagers. 

“I have Band after Algebra, then I’m taking Biology and French as my after school classes.” He finished listing off his classes, deciding not to acknowledge the concern in their eyes. As usual they let him change the subject without comment. 

“Really? Bio, dude you really don’t understand the concept of extra curricular classes.” Hercules groaned. He was putting the sandwiches into the heated pan on the stove. 

“I like Science…” John mumbled. And then shot a teasing look to Alex, “And besides the only other course on my list was World Politics.”

“Hey!” Alex protested. “You guys need to get off my back about the politics class!!!”

“I can help you with French, Mon Ami!” Lafayette began ferrying sandwiches over to the table and stopped to wrap his arms around John’s shoulders from behind the chair and give him a hug. John’s heart literally stopped for three seconds and then started going double time. He was surrounded by the French teen and he couldn’t think.

“NO!” Alex and Herc yelled in tandem. John was shocked out of his distraction and Lafayette huffed angrily. He let go of John and turned to the other two.

“What do you mean, ‘no?’” He asked, hands on his hips.

“No offense dude,” Here laughed. “But remember when you tried to teach me? I came out of it knowing less French than when I started.”

“And you’re not all that patient…” Alex said. He scratched at the back of his head and gave Laf a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry but you’re not…”

“Like you are all the picture of patience?” Laf asked.

“Honestly, the only reason I’m taking it is because Im already fluent in Spanish and I was taking French at my old school.” John said, trying to diffuse the Frenchman’s anger. “I didn’t think it was going to be a big thing…”

“Well, if you are needing any help, you have me and Alex.” Laf said, sitting at the table and letting the other two bring the rest of the food. Herc had heated up some soup leftover from dinner to have with the grilled cheeses. Over Lafayette’s shoulder Alex rolled his eyes at John. In a few seconds Laf would forget his ire towards the two of them and be cheerful again. 

They ate lunch and migrated up to the game room. Herc, Alex and Laf pulled out Mario Cart, claiming the big couch which had at the best view of the television and John settled on a loveseat, his legs curled up underneath him. Balanced on his knees was a sketchbook, Martha and George had insisted on getting him more art supplies after Christmas when he had presented them a sketch of a painting he was going to give them. The sketch had been on a sheet of yellow legal pad paper, the only paper he had coming to the house. The Washington’s had gotten him the spiral bound pad of paper and a nice set of pencils for sketching. 

Right now John sketched the three on the couch. At the end of their first race, Alex had stood on top of the couch in victory while Herc and Laf had just groaned. John started by sketching Alex in his triumphant pose, using loose lines and a hard pencil that would leave lighter marks on the paper, he’d go back in with a darker pencil if he like the picture enough. After three wins in a row, John had both Alex’s jubilant expression on the paper and suitable reactions from the other two. Hercules was looking up at Alex with a rueful smile but still with a defeated round to his shoulders. Lafayette, after the third straight loss, had tossed his controller over his shoulder and looked away with his arms crossed over his chest muttering under his breath in French. John chuckled and finished the sketch as they retrieved Lafayette’s controller and continued with another game. 

 

***

 

When the Washington’s returned home for the day, they both looked exhausted. Laf and Herc both offered to make dinner, but Martha just mentioned take out from the Chinese restaurant down the road that George was getting on his way home. She retreated to the Master bedroom to ‘wash the stink of ignorance off’ before joining the boys in the middle of a movie.

“Long day?” Alex asked.

“The longest…” Martha sighed. “The city planning committee has decided that all the roads need to be repaved, but they don’t want to levy any additional taxes for the project and it looks like I’ll have to find the money somewhere or end up looking bad during an election year. The only reason they are doing this now is because they know we don’t have the money, and they know if I say no I’ll get ousted in the election….”

Martha rolled her shoulders to release tension and sighed. She leaned back into the couch and began to lightly snore not ten minutes after becoming immobile. Hercules pulled a throw blanket off of one of the chairs and covered her as they finished the movie. George returned almost to the end of the picture, calling in his booming deep voice as he crossed the threshold, “Come and get it, you jackals!!”

Martha woke and they all went down to the kitchen table where George was already unpacking at least half of the menu of the little Chinese restaurant. They grabbed plates and settled into the food. Silence came from the table for a few minutes then George looked up and around at the four boys. “I received a call from your school today, boys. They said your class schedules have been sent out?”

They all nodded, Alex added “We all have the same Chemistry class.”

“I pray for your poor teacher.” Martha commented acerbically, adding a smile to soften her words. 

“Their teachers already pray for us, Martha dear, its only appropriate.” George chuckled then continued. “John, there seems to be a problem with your first class.”

John instantly went into panic mode. What was wrong? Did the Principal decide that he wasn’t worth the extra classes? His grades in his old school weren’t much, did they decide that he wasn’t going to pass all seven classes no matter how hard he tried? Did the teacher refuse to teach him? Would he end up having to go back to high school next year? Would he have to take a single class and end up waiting an extra year to start college?

Hercules’ large hand on his knee under the table knocked him out of the panic. Alex and Laf were looking towards him in concern. It was strange how in tune the three teens were becoming to his moods.

“It seems that the Principal’s secretary forgot to inform the art teacher that he was needed for an early class and he is not prepared to teach you for the first few days.” George continued on. “He’s an adjunct at the college and already has office hours scheduled for that time and can’t change them until the drop/add period is over. So you will be able to wake up with Alexander and Hercules for the first week of classes.”

John nodded with relief, the teacher just had other responsibilities. He wasn’t just rejecting the thought of teaching him. He would have the chance to graduate on time. “If it’s al the same, sir, I would prefer to just get used to waking up early…”

George gave him an appraising look and nodded with a small smile. “Very well then.”

“Well, I am not going in early for the first day if I don’t have to, mes amis.” Lafayette announced. “I need my beauty sleep!”

“Alright then,” Martha said with a smile to the boys. “You will all go together on the first day of classes and save me the stress of trying to get two batches of teens awake for school.”

After dinner, the adults went to watch the news. Alex looked sorely tempted to follow them into the living room, but someone suggested a game of Cards Against Humanity and he veered away from the living room to head up the stairs with the other three. Hours later, it was time for bed and John still hadn’t told them of his new freedom to stay in his own room.  He chewed on his lip as they put away the cards and cleaned up the game room after a day of use.

“What’s up, John?” Alex asked, pausing in the middle of picking up candy wrappers from the coffee table in front of the couch. 

“Umm…” What should he say? ‘I can sleep in my own room now, so see you around Lafayette?’ He was ready for his own space again, but he didn’t want to hurt the other teen’s feelings… And Alex and Herc were so excited at the prospect of starting the circle over again. Not to mention that both Alex and Herc had full weeks with John and Lafayette would probably feel left out if he didn’t get the same amount of time… Why was this so hard?

“Whatever you have to say, we will support you and still be your friends.” Alex said. 

“Is it something from your therapy session today?” Hercules asked.

“It’s nothing.” John put a smile on his face and decided to say something about it the next day. He didn’t want to make Lafayette feel like he’d been cheated. Plus, in a slightly selfish way, he wanted to stay another night with the French teen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My baby is so conflicted!!! He wants to be independent, but he also wants to be kind! I love my little Johnny boy! And he’s growing! I believe in him, do you?
> 
> Also how do you like the line up of classes for the boys? You must know some interesting things are going to happen in chemistry. Wink, wink!
> 
> This update supported by CelticMuse34.  
> Talk to me on tumblr @immadoathing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know how the last chapter got added and the total chapters for this story got changed to two.... This isn't a two chapter story. Sorry all. There is sooooooooooo much more to this part of the story. We are going to see the boys in school and rehearsals, football practices, in class, other extracurriculars, and so much more pining.
> 
> Other than that, I don’t really have much to say… Super tired, stressed even though thing are getting better. I just don’t have time to relax it seems. Have some of our boys being adorable, Alex putting his foot in his mouth and then some bad dreams.

The next day, John woke to an empty room. Usually Lafayette was up around the same time as he and John was surprised that the other boy wasn’t in the room sleepily grumbling over his clothing choices for the day. John stretched and wandered down the hall to his own room, passing the doors to Hercules and Alex’s rooms. Both doors were ajar and both rooms were vacant. John shrugged, he shouldered open the door to his room and stopped dead. 

“Surprise!!” John found the three of them standing in front of his desk, smiling and spreading their arms cheerfully.

“What’s this?” He asked as he clutched his arms in front of his chest a little uncomfortable. The three of them were fully clothed and, in John’s mind gorgeous, while he was still in his pajamas. 

“We had a thought.” Lafayette started.

“It was the same thought.” Hercules chuckled.

“At the same time.” Alex finished. The three of them moved away from his desk and John noticed stacks of binders and spiral notebooks, highlighters and pens and pencils. “We thought that you might need school supplies.”

“Guys…” Johns started.

“Nope.” Alex cut him off. “Don’t say anything. We know you didn’t come here with much, and you hate costing George and Martha anything.”

“Even though they don’t care either way.” Hercules cut in.

“And you would not have asked them on your own, mon ami.” Lafayette said.

“So we went through our old stuff and found some supplies that you can use.” Alex elbowed Laf and Herc in the ribs. “Some of the binders are bent and the spirals are all old and we had to rip out a bunch of pages we already used. However, you only have one semester, so this should be enough. I’ve planned for each of your classes and if not, you’ll have to suck it up and ask George and Martha for more. But that will be a problem for the future.”

John was amazed that they would do this for him. He stared at the old binder that had ‘Alexander Hamilton’ scrawled across the front in black sharpie. Tears were pricking his eyes and he was grateful, but didn’t want to cry so he smiled at the three boys and said. “Thank you, guys. Really, thank you. Now get out of my room so I can get dressed.”

“Oh, but what if we want to stay and watch?” Lafayette asked, a sparkle of mischief in his eyes. “It will be my last chance before you move back with Hercules for a week.”

John blushed, deciding to skip over the first part of the comment and focus on the second. Now was as good a time as any to break the news, so then why was he more nervous of the prospect of telling them than the idea that they liked to watch him change?

“Ah, about that.” He began, scratching his head and looking down at the floor. “So one of the things my… me and my therapist talked about yesterday was, umm… me getting to stay in my own room from now on?” 

His nerves made the end of the sentence some out as a question. But there was no question about the disappointment in Hercules’ face but it only lasted for s split second before he was smiling at John and saying, “Dude, thats so great!”

Alex pouted, “But that means I don’t get another week with you!”

John blanched. He’d upset them… He should have just kept it a secret, continued to stay in their rooms. He was such a horrible person… 

Herc punched Alex in the arm, “For the love of all that is holy, think before you speak, Hamilton.”

“What’d I say?” Alex said as he rubbed his arm and glared at the taller teen.

Lafayette pushed something into John’s hand, he could focus on it enough to realize it was one of his anxiety pills. John grimaced as he took the pill dry, hating that he needed medication to even navigate a simple conversation… He kept his eyes closed as he tried to even out his breathing. Trying to ignore the barrage of _Horrible person. You hurt them. Hurt your friends. Don’t deserve friends. Should have kept it to yourself. Horrible, horrible girl._

When he could open his eyes again, John noticed that Alex and Hercules had left the room without his notice… Lafayette sat on the edge of his bed, tinkering on his phone and looking like nothing could ever bother him. He looked up when John’s breathing leveled out and gave the other teen a tentative smile. “All is well, mon ami. We decided that to give you some space was the best option for right now.  We are not upset, but I am saddened that you would have to experience distress because of anything between the four of us. I would like to tell you that you could do nothing to make us hate you. You are our friend. I think we have already said this, non? It matters not, I will say this as many times as you need to hear it.”

Lafayette unfolded himself from the bed to his full height, at least four inches taller than John and opened his arms indicating that he would like to hug John but giving the other boy the option to refuse the contact. John shrugged in response wanting to feel Lafayette close, but not wanting to at the same time and felt Lafayette’s arms wrap around him. Lafayette rested his chin on the top of John’s head, a stretch even for the tall teen which made John chuckle. “I would like to thank you for spending the night in my room last night. You did not want me to feel, how you say, cheated? Cheated, oui. It means a great deal to me that you would consider my feelings.”

Lafayette squeezed John, and pulled back. With his hands on either of John’s shoulders, Lafayette kissed first one and then the other of John’s cheeks and left the room, hopefully missing the blush that raged on John’s face. John just stood in the middle of his room, feeling the rush of adrenaline that spiked through him when Lafayette leaned forward. It felt like electricity tingling across his skin in the places Lafayette had touched, both on his shoulders and his cheeks. He sighed trying not to bring his hands up to caress the places where Laf’s lips had touched, like a lovestruck girl.

 

***

 

Alex was pissed at himself. He threw himself into his room and onto his bed, picking up his laptop and pointedly not looking at the other boy who followed him into the room.

“Dude…” Hercules said as she sat at the desk chair across the room, giving Alex some space. Herc ran a hand over his hair, thinking about the best way to proceed with his volatile friend.

“I know.” Alex growled. He began to type furiously on his computer. Most of it was just nonsensical  angry ramblings, but soon he began to write a letter to John. It was partially an apology, mostly a confession of his feelings. The recipient of this letter would probably never see it, he kept these letters from everyone. There were files in his computer filled with letters to Lafayette and Hercules already, one dedicated to John had appeared the first night John had moved in. Currently, John’s file was mostly filled by research Alex had done about the trans community, HRT and some of its common side-effects, and a single other letter starting with ‘My dearest Laruens.’ This letter wasn’t going to start with Dearest Laurens… it started with ‘I fucked up today… I’m sorry.’ Unfortunately, Alex didn’t know how to keep his mouth closed and he had never learned how to apologize to his friends. 

“Man, I know you’re upset.” Hercules began. “But John has enough problems right now, he doesn’t need us making unnecessary comments and making him feel like we hate him.”

“I know!” Alex seethed. He felt like a dick already, he didn’t need Hercules to drive home the shame.

Lafayette come in a few moments later. “Mon ami, you must think before you speak…”

“I. KNOW.” Alex yelled. “Ok? I know, I fucked up. I didn’t think about it before I opened my goddamned mouth. I hate that I caused that.. that freak out. I wanna make it better. I know I suck at being a human and I can say all the right things to the people I hate, but I just fucking suck at saying the right thing to the people I care about!”

“Alex..” Hercules looked like he wanted to reach out to Alex. Alex, who didn’t deserve that comfort. Alex, who was just as likely to toss a punch out as John so often felt. He ignored the pity Hercules was trying to give him and dove back behind the screen of his computer, trying to work out his feeling in words instead of actions he’d regret the second they were finished being made.

“We need to stop flirting with John.” Lafayette began. The other two looked up at him surprised and indignant. “Don’t act like you two haven’t been making passes. I’ve seen you both, and you’ve both seen me do it as well. I know we already discussed the dating thing.”

“As in the ‘we can’t date each other while we are still in the Washington’s home’ thing?” Alex snorted. 

“Yes, that.” Lafayette was leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest. He shook his head. “Its been fun flirting, but I don’t think John is ready for that. In addition to the Rule, we cannot continue to confuse him. He hasn’t had much time or freedom to figure out who he actually is without his father or anyone telling him he is wrong. He needs that time. For all we know, he isn’t even attracted to us and is too afraid to loose our friendship to tell us that he doesn’t like us like we like him.”

“So what do you suggest in your infinite French wisdom?” Alex asked, sarcastically. He blushed when Laf only gave him a look, he was letting his anger at himself out on the other teen. 

“I suggest we date others to keep ourselves away from John.” Laf said with a shrug, fiddling with his phone as he spoke. “School is starting in a few days, we can find someone to spend our time and energy on.”

Alex considered it, there were a lot of girls, and guys for that matter, at school that he could date… he shrugged, “Sounds like a plan.”

“The problem with your plan is that I don’t want to date around, Laf…” Hercules said. 

“Then you can focus on your schoolwork, mon ami. Anything as long as its not flirting with John.” Herc still looked like he didn’t like this course of action, but he nodded to Laf’s suggestion. “Then we are agreed, plan ‘stop flirting with John so he can have space to figure himself out’ is at a beginning.”

“”Is a go’ Laf. The phrase is ‘is a go.’” Alex corrected Laf.

“They both sound grammatically incorrect, what does it matter?” Laf asked with a half shrug.

 

***

 

_John was sitting in his living room, coloring book open on his lap with a cartoon playing on the television in front of him. He hummed a nonsensical tune to himself as he colored, sniffling. Trying to calm himself. He was six years old, curly brown hair sunbleached to a dirty blond from the summer sun. He was wearing a sundress his mother had chosen for him that morning, but he was uncomfortable._

_He’d kept tugging at the hem all day at the park his father had gotten angry for some reason. John couldn’t  understand why. But all of a sudden his father had bellowed across the park ‘Leave your goddamn dress alone!’_

_Movement on the jungle gym stopped dead when Henry Laurens had shouted. People were staring. Whispering behind their hands. John’s face burned scarlet and he stopped playing, warily staring at his father. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong, the dress was uncomfortable. He hated the way it would tangle around his legs and trip him. He wished his mama had just put him in his shorts or a pair of pants._

_He’d threatened to leave the park if John touched his dress one more time._

_Unfortunately, Henry Laurens had the eyes of a hawk and he saw John tug at the dress again as he tried to climb the stairs to the slide. He was waiting at the bottom for John to slide down._

_“That’s it. If you can’t act like a lady, you don’t deserve to play with your friends.”Henry hissed as he grabbed John by the arm and yanked him up and dragged him towards the car._

_“Henry, she’s just a child!” John’s mama said, following the two to the car, trying to calm the irate man. “She doesn’t understand what she did wrong.”_

_“Yes she does. I told her once, that should be enough.” John was roughly pushed into his carseat and buckled in. Confused and upset, he began to cry. His father glared at him as he got behind the steering wheel, “Don’t you dare cry, young lady! Or I’ll give you something to cry about.”_

_John tried to stop his tears but they wouldn’t stop coming. His father’s eyes watched him from the rearview mirror. Narrowing to slits he stopped the car in the driveway and pulled John out of the car, “Im gonna give you one more chance to stop crying because I’m nice.”_

_They went into the house and John’s mother was able to distract Henry with an argument. His parents were in the other room right now shouting at each other.  Suddenly, Henry was storming into the room. He grabbed John and bent him over his knee, shouting back to John’s mother, “I can discipline my daughter however I want!”_

_John’s mother tried to get in the way of Henry’s defending hand as John screamed in fear and pain. Henry simply backhanded her across the face and continued spanking John until he was raw. When Henry finally left, John’s mother took him into her arms and soothed him. “It’s ok, baby girl. It’s ok. We are going to go for a car ride. Doesn’t that sound fun?”_

_It was the first time John’s mother tried to leave Henry Laurens. Unfortunately they never made it far, Henry always caught up to them and brought them back to the house filled with hate and pain._

“John! John, wake up!” John woke to a figure looming above him in his room. His mind still filled with the fear and adrenaline from his nightmare, all he saw was Henry. He pulled his fist back and sent it flying into the gut of the person standing over him and they fell back with a wheeze, “Jesus! Its me, its Alex!”

“Alex?” John sat up and looked over the edge of the bed and blanched. Alex was sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his stomach. “Oh my god…”

“You have a mean right hook, man.” Alex said behind a wheeze.

“Alex, I’m so sorry!” John scrambled out of bed and helped the other teen to his feet. Alex sat on the edge of the bed. _Punching friends now, girl? That’s a little par for the corse. At least try to be original next time._ The Voice laughed at John. “I’m sorry! I thought you were-“

“It’s alright, dude.” Alex said. He had tears in his eyes from the shock and pain of being punched and having the breath knocked out of him. “You were having a nightmare. I came to wake you up. And I’d be lying if I said I’ve never been punched before. Hell, you’re not even the first friend who’s punched me.”

John would have found that funny, maybe asked whether it had been Laf or Herc. He wasn’t feeling like laughing at the moment, or joking about it either. He felt lost, John couldn’t remember where that memory had come from… he wasn’t prepared to remember it. The dream/memory had scared him. But what scared him even more was the prospect of remembering the car crash. He never wanted to remember that day, just knowing from other’s telling him what happened afterwards was enough…

John was so lost in his fear that it took him a few minutes to realize that Alex was still talking. “… and the worst part is that sometimes they aren’t even your mind overreacting. They are real, memories that you try to forget. Those are the ones that usually keep me up at night. It’s why I don’t sleep that much, can’t control what my brain thinks about when I’m not awake. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand, and having nightmares isn’t something to be ashamed about. Doesn’t make you less of a man, you know?”

“What are your’s about?” John blurted before he could stop himself. Alex fell silent and flushed red.

“Uhh.. well…” He stuttered, staring at his hands and then at the far wall. “Nothing important right now. Maybe I’ll tell you later. Right now we have to get some rest because school starts tomorrow. Have a good night.”

Alex gave John a dazzling smile that John didn’t believe was real for a second and beat a hasty retreat from John’s room. John stared at his pillow for a few minutes after Alex had left as if it had caused his nightmare and he could stare it into submission so that he wouldn’t dream again. He sighed, Alex was right though, they had school tomorrow, and he’d need his rest to get though that new trial.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking Alex man.
> 
> I got nothing. Just be happy I stuck to the schedule I gave myself, bc I was sorely tempted to just go to bed and forget about it. Just. So. Tired.... My bed is calling collect and don't want to answer, but it may be important. lol 
> 
> I'm not even proof reading this one. Let me know if there are typos.
> 
> This update supported by CelticMuse34.  
> Talk to me on tumblr @immadoathing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its the first day of School!!!!!!
> 
> So you know Anxiety!John continues with a vengeance! Just a heads up. Plus some Dysphoria at the beginning of this chapter. And a hell of a lot of the boys making bad choices... Enjoy!

“Get up, boys!” George’s booming voice rocked through the house the next day. 

John sat up in his bed and rubbed at the sleep in his eyes, he really needed that extra hour he lost to the nightmare and punching Alex… His stomach twisted at the memory. Fuck, why did he have to be that impulsive? Literally every other moment of his life he overthought, he was cautious. Even when he got into fights at school with the bullies and assholes he used to go to to school with he’s been able to keep a calm head, been able to goad them into loosing control so that he could get in a few good hits before he was eventually overpowered. But at the exact wrong moment he let his fists fly without thinking.

“John? Are you getting up?” George’s voice was followed by a knock, it startled John that the man had been able to get up the stairs so fast. Or maybe he’d just been lost in his own head for too long…

“I’m up, sir.” John replied, thankful that George didn’t try to open the door.

“Good, breakfast is on the table. We leave for school in thirty minutes.” George replied before continuing down the hall and banging more abruptly on Alex’s door. “Alexander! Get up! Its time for school, I want you downstairs in ten minutes tops. Eat a real breakfast, not just coffee.”

“Coffee is breakfast.” John heard Alex grumble loudly, but the complaint was followed by the sounds of Alex getting dressed and packing his bag for school.

“Coffee is a part of breakfast.” George replied, leaving the teens to their morning rituals. John heard him mumble as he passed his door, “And not a part that you should be so dependent on at your age…”

John chuckled as he levered himself out of the bed. He crossed to his closet and found another reason for anxiety…What would he wear to his first day of school at Yorktown High? He fervently wished that his ace bandage hadn’t been cut off of him in the emergency room that night… He had nothing to bind his chest down… He looked down at the offending lumps in the front of his shirt. John felt a bit of panic at the prospect of gong into the potential battle ground of high school without that bit of his armor. Alex, Herc and Laf had proven that it didn’t matter to them if he looked like a guy, but others… His breath shortened and he felt sweat break out on his brow and at the bace of his spine. 

Maybe there was an ace bandage in the the first aid kit in the bathroom? He darted across the hall to search under the sink. The warnings of the nurses in the ER in South Carolina were in his ears, it was dangerous even when his ribs weren’t broken and he still had a few weeks to heal before he could safely bind… He didn’t care at the moment. He needed to get his chest a flat as possible. 

“What are you looking for?” John jumped and hit his head on the underside of the sink. He didn’t hear Alex enter the bathroom. But there he was, the traditional bags under his eyes darker for their nighttime experience. Alex was frowning at him and he didn’t have a good explanation… But Alex thought too fast for John’s brain to even begin formulating an excuse, he looked from John to the cabinet and back, piecing things together lightning fast. “You can’t bind with ACE bandages, John. You’ll hurt yourself!”

“I wasn’t..” John tried to lie but Alex was gearing up into a rant.

“Not only can you not control how tight the bandage gets, but your ribs are still healing! John, they could heal wrong, or god forbid break again and this time puncture your lungs!” Alex was yelling at this point and John had enough presence of mind to recognize that all the bustle of the house had stopped but not enough to care.

“What do you care?” John yelled back. “You get to go to school, be seen for who you actually are, and not have to deal with other kids asking you if you really are a guy!”

“John, I….” John stood up and went to push past Alex, but the other boy reached out to try and continue the conversation. John didn’t want the pity in Alex’s eyes. He wanted to actually feel like a guy, be recognized as one to strangers passing on the street. What he really didn’t want was anyone touching him right now. His fist was flying before he even knew what was happening.

It connected with Alex’s jaw with a crack and Alex was shocked back a couple of steps. His face went from shock, to pain, to anger in a matter of seconds and Alex’s fists were flying back at John. Both boys went down in a crash of limbs and angry shouts. For a second it seemed like Alex had three pairs of hands. However, it was Hercules and George rushing into the bathroom and pulling the two teens away from each other. 

“What is the meaning of this?” George asked, looking between Alex and John. He had one hand on both boys shoulders as each of them panted from the fight.

“Ask him.” Alex said as he shook off George’s hand and disappeared down the stairs into the kitchen.

Herc looked between George and John and where Alex had disappeared. He sighed and shrugged, walking to the stairs.

“Hercules. Could you drive Alex and Gilbert to school today? I think John and I need to have a talk.” George asked the burly teen as he descended the stairs.

“Sure thing, General.” Herc said with a salute and a smile. He tried to catch John’s eye to give him an encouraging wink, but John just stood with is shoulders hunched and frowning at the carpet of the hallway.  George waved Hercules away, the other teen making his way into the kitchen with a sigh.

George turned to John. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“Alex can’t keep his nose out of other people’s business so I thought I’d rearrange it for him.” John replied mulishly. He refused to meet George’s eye, partially afraid to see the anger he knew must be on the man’s face. George was silent for a few moments and John’s mind began to run away with him. _Oopsie, girl! Looks like you are in for it big time! I mean, you’ve considered punching the boys a couple of times, but this time you actually did it, on purpose, and you got caught. I don’t think they will bother with the girls home, they’ll probably just send you straight to Juvie._  

The Voice was laughing gleefully in John’s head. He couldn’t deal with the disappointment that he knew George was considering sending him away. John refused to look up. A few moments of loaded silence and John was sweating for real now. His anxiety finally got the better of him though, and he peeked up at George and wasn’t prepared for what he saw. 

The man had a small smile on his face. It widened when he noticed John looking at him and his big hand landed on John’s shoulder. What was meant to be comforting just made John’s skin crawl. He fought the urge to throw George’s hand off of him. He was already in enough trouble, people who smiled when angry were truly terrifying. Henry smiled when he was pulling back his fist to ‘discipline’ John. He wanted to run… 

“I’ve never heard it phrased exactly like that before. Want to tell me what actually happened?” George asked evenly. He paused waiting for a response 

“You’re not angry at me for punching Alex?” John asked, bewildered.

“There are many people who wish to punch Alexander.” Washington chuckled. “Many of them for less than your reasons. Many of them Alexander has pushed into fights just to see where they would break. If I tried to protect Alexander from everyone who wanted to fight with him, I would spend my life running after Alexander doing nothing else. However I want to know, why did you and Alex fight. You two have been getting on famously, it seems like fighting is out of character for you, John.”

 _He obviously doesn’t know the real you, Girl._ John shook his head to rid his mind of the Voice, but George took it as refusal to speak and his eyebrows pulled a little to the center of his face, however the smile remained plastered on the older man’s face.  “I want you to know that we won’t send you away for getting into fights. Teenage boys get into scraps all the time, John. Hell, if I threatened to send everyone away the second they got into fights,  Alex, Gil and Hercules would have all been long gone.”

John ducked his head when George chuckled at his own joke and squeezed his shoulder. This man was joking about getting into fights? How weird were the Washington’s really?

“I was afraid to go to school unbound…” John mumbled still looking at his shoes, deciding to get this over with. George had a stubborn quality that said they wouldn’t move without an answer. “Alex came in and found me looking for something to bind my chest with… we started to argue and then I hit him…”

George thought about John’s answer for a few moments. “Well, you know why you can’t right now, right? Its for your health, son. We all want you to heal as fast as possible and we would hate for you to hurt yourself. Are you more afraid of being teased or not being seen for yourself?”

John thought for a few seconds, “Both? I think…”

“Well, the people who matter already see you as you are. Its not an issue to them if you look a certain way or not.”George began, leading John out of the bathroom and down into the kitchen. He picked up a plate and put some random breakfast items on it, a banana, muffin, and some yogurt with granola. He put the plate in front of John and went to make himself a cup of coffee. He threw over his shoulder, “Eat or we won’t be leaving this house, John. And as for being teased, how about you give the new students at this school a chance? You don’t know that they will try to ridicule you. They may surprise you.”

George watched John dubiously eat his breakfast. it was a possibility. The students at this school could possibly not care about John and his gender identity… It seemed unlikely to John. His hackles were still raised, still prepared for a hellish first day. But a small part of him dared to hope, _Maybe this will be good?_

 

***

 

Alex could feel Hercules and Lafayette’s anger the second the three of them were in the car. He could feel their eyes on him as he steadfastly ignored them. Well, he could feel Lafayette’s eyes on him, Hercules was keeping his eyes on the road. But there was a certain amount of derision rolling off the other teen behind the steering wheel. 

Alex pulled out one of his notebooks and began scribbling in it. Even though he had a laptop, he refused to bring it to school in case it got stolen or broken. What could he say? Alexander Hamilton didn’t trust the people he went to school with. It wasn’t that they would need his crappy off brand laptop, but he didn’t put it past some of them to steal the thing or break it out of spite. Alex was the type of person you either absolutely loved or absolutely hated. 

Lafayette sighed from the front seat, Alex flicked his eyes up to the other teen and quickly lowered them again. Not quick enough, because Lafayette’s eyes were flashing victorious and he could tell that Alex would be listening to him, “Mon ami. What, how you say, the fuck happened this morning?”

“You know you can stop pretending you don’t understand English phrases.” Alex spat acid into the front seat of the car. “Your English is better than half of the idiots at school.”

“You don’t have to be mean, Alex.” Hercules said as he pulled into traffic on Main Street.

“I am injured, Alexander.” Lafayette replied, deadpan. “But really, what happened?”

“John was trying to find an Ace Bandage to bind his chest.” Alex scraped out the last sentence he’d written, perhaps with more vigor than was necessary because he ended up ripping the paper and ruining the page underneath it. At Laf and Herc’s silence he sighed, packed away his notebook and began to explain. “If he binds before his ribs heal, they could heal wrong. Plus the added stress on the healing bone could break them again. And binding with anything but an actual Binder is real dangerous to begin with.”

“How do you know all of this?” Herc asked.

“I researched it…” Alex mumbled, blushing and looking out the window. He knew they would figure out why he’d researched stuff like that. 

Sure enough, Laf and Herc chuckled and Laf reached back to squeeze his knee. “Aww. Your crush is adorable, mon ami.”

“Like you to research about a person instead of getting to know them in the regular way, Ham.” Herc said.

“Shut up…” Alex was blushing too much now.

“So what did you find out?” Laf asked more seriously.

“Well, he doesn’t have a Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or even a freaking MySpace.” Alex began.

“Ok Cupid? Grindr, or Tinder?” Laf asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“Even if he did, we aren’t going to do anything about it.” Herc said, pulling into a parking space in the lot of the school. “Remember? He has enough on his plate to begin with, he doesn’t need us trying to get with him. Plus, we are all living in the same house and can’t do anything without risking all of us being separated.”

“Oui, Papa.” Lafayette rolled his eyes.

“Gilbert, I’m serious.” Herc set Laf with a stare that usually had both boys following his lead. He had a look in his eyes that bordered on fear and love. “Do what you have to to not mess with him. Both of you. I don’t want any of us leaving. Ok?”

Laf immediately bit his lip and submitted. “I understand, Hercules.”

“That was kinda hot.” Alex quipped from the backseat.

“Alexander.” Hercules said, sternly.

“Just making an observation…” Alex said with a cheeky smile. The three of them gathered their backpacks and waded into the throng of teens heading into the school.

“Wait, what I’m missing is how did you two start fighting?” Hercules asked.

“You hit Laurens?” Lafayette whipped his head around to Alex and frowned, very distressed.

“I made sure to not hit him hard!” Alex protested in his defense. “And not anywhere where it could actually hurt him.”

“But you hit Laurens,” Lafayette repeated.

“He hit me first.” Alex said. 

“Whoever it was I don’t blame them, Hamilton.” Said a voice from behind them. “I mean ten seconds into any conversation with you, and even I want to give you a good left hook.”

Alex visibly bristled at the other person’s voice and tone. A shiver of loathing rolled up from his toes to the crown of his head as he turned. “At least I have people willing to talk to me, Jefferson! You have to pay people to listen to you and even then its not like you ever say anything worthwhile!”

“I have never in my life paid someone to spend time with me!” Thomas Jefferson cried indignantly. 

“And those iPads you handed out to anyone who came to your birthday party last year? Those were definitely not bribes to get people to come to your stupid party.” Alex scoffed. 

“They were party favors.” Jefferson seethed darkly.

“How many did you have left?” Alex asked. “You handed out about 200 invitations, only about ten people in the school don’t have an iPad already. Laf, Herc and I are three of those ten, so that leaves you with 193 unclaimed, unused iPads.”

“Oh they have a use,” Jefferson hissed. “I load a picture of you on them-“

“And masterbate to me?” Alex cut in. “I honestly don’t know if I should feel flattered or disgusted.”

“Disgusted.” Hercules nodded, adding his two cents.

“I use them for target practice and laugh to myself that I can waste something that others at this school cannot afford.” Jefferson regained his snotty air and smirked down at Alex. “At least I had the money to pay for all of them.” 

“You mean your father had the money to pay for all of them.” Alex chortled.

“At least I have a father!” Jefferson screamed finally loosing his cool. 

All the life drained from Alex’s form. He sort of slumped on his feet and his face crumpled in pain. Hercules was stiff as a board, his own face showing the shock and pain of that particular weapon being used against the three of them. 

Herc tried to react, but it was Lafayette who managed to respond first. He stepped forward and grabbed Jefferson by the wrist, his grip like iron. Whispering in Thomas’ ear, not loud enough to be heard by passersby or even Alex and Herc he said, “That was not a wise move, mon ami. Now I have no quarrel with you in particular. I believe that you and Alex mostly enjoy your, how you say, verbal sparring matches. However, do not,” and here Lafayette’s grip squeezed Jefferson’s wrist enough to make him whimper, “Ever use someone’s dead relatives as ammunition. Not everyone is as fortunate as you and I are to have both parents alive and well. D’accord?”

“Oui…” Jefferson cast his eyes down, ashamed of himself. 

Laf squeezed his wrist agin until he looked up into the other teen’s eyes, they were almost the same height, so it wasn’t as much a feat as for others. “You owe them an apology, mon ami.”

Jefferson didn’t meet the other’s eyes, but he mumbled an apology and Laf allowed him to leave.

“My therapist says that other’s nasty words sprout from the soil of their own pain, mes amis.” Lafayette slung and arm around each other the other boy’s shoulders and walked them toward their morning homeroom seminar. “Do not let them take root inside of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooohhhhhh... Jefferson, wtf......
> 
> And then Washingdad being a good dad. Yes. 
> 
> Poor John....... and Alex's face.... lol 
> 
> This update supported by CelticMuse34.  
> Talk to me on tumblr @immadoathing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im really excited for you guys to read this chapter!!!!! I’ll tell you why in the end notes, but its good!!

John was jittery. His leg shook and his foot bounced. He had the fidget cube in a death grip in his pocket as his fingers toyed with one of the switches. 

He was annoying the principal’s secretary; a woman with huge horn rimed glasses with silver chains dangling from their frames, a pink pinstriped dress suit, and cold eyes that judged John from head to toe. The plaque on her desk said her name was ‘Abigail Adams.’ She sniffed disapprovingly for maybe the twentieth time at John from behind her desk and pretended to shelf files while keeping an eagle’s glare leveled at him. 

Just as John was considering running away and trying to make his life work without a high school degree, the door to the principal’s office opened and George and Principal John Adams emerged, chuckling together. The part of John’s brain that wasn’t flooded with anxiety wondered if there was a relation between the two Adams’s? The rest of John’s brain decided that wasn’t as important as imagining all the ways that his first day of school could go worse. Because he was already almost 45 minutes late because of his fight with Alex and the subsequent talk with George. His English teacher was probably already biased against him…. Fuck. 

The two men shook hands, George saying: “Thank you again, Principal Adams for making these exceptions for John. He’s a good kid.”

George beamed at John who ducked his head, he didn’t feel all that good…

“Well as long as he can stick to the requirements of the course load, we’ll get him his diploma in no time at all.” Principal Adams responded, returning George’s handshake. He looked over at John, his expression changing to say, ‘you’d better follow all the rules or you’ll be shit out of luck.’ Or maybe it was just John’s anxiety…

George patted down his suit and tie, nodded to all in the room and announced, “Well, John, you’re all settled, I should be going.” His large hand landed on John’s shoulder, John flinched but George squeezed comfortingly, “Oh, before I forget, you’ll be riding home with Hercules, Alexander and Gilbert. Have a good first day, John.”

And then George’s familiar presence was gone and John kind of felt like he was a wobbly stool with one leg missing. He could stand by himself, but was in real danger of tipping over at any point and would topple under any sort of pressure. 

Principal Adams spoke with his secretary for a few minutes, sending the woman away before turning to John with a malicious frown.  “I don’t believe in second chances. So listen carefully. If you cause any problems in this school because of your… condition, I will not hesitate to expel you. I am doing a friend a favor, not you. Personally, I could care less if people like you succeed in life. So straighten up and stay out of trouble. If I see you in this office again, you will be on your way out of my school. Do you understand?”

John blanched. So this man already hated him too… Another person judging him for being born in the wrong body… John felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. Principal Adams was waiting for some kind of response though, and John was able to pull himself out of the impending panic attack to mumble, “Yes, sir.”

The man grunted and thrust a pice of paper at John, barely waiting for the boy to grab the paper before pulling his hand away. Principal Adams rubbed the back of his hand against his suit jacket as if John had infected him with some disease, sniffed and said “You’ve already missed most of your first class of the day, just go straight to your second block class. You are dismissed.”

John fled from the office and out into the deserted halls of the school, shiny waxed floors reflecting his red, blotchy face back at him. John took a few moments to collect himself outside of the front office under the guise of figuring out which way to go. Honestly, he didn’t even know where the science wing was and his Chemistry class was starting in 20 minutes. John just turned and started walking, managing to get hopelessly lost just before the bell rang and the halls were flooded with teens rushing to their lockers and their next class. John was jostled left and right, annoyed students huffing at his slow pace. He was about to just give up and try to find a restroom to spend the rest of the day in when a familiar voice called out in the hall.

“Well if it isn’t the dyke!” The boy, Samuel Seabury, was approaching John. He was followed by a group of teens dressed in the same letterman’s jackets with crossed hockey sticks on the breasts. “Looks like you have the worst luck, bitch. I’m gonna pay you back for that cheap trick you played on me at the mall every day until you either transfer or get kicked out.”

Some of the students around them chuckled at Seabury. Some ducked their heads and left the hall as fast as they could, self preservation telling them that a fight was about to start, others gathered around interested in seeing a fight. John stood tall and looked down his nose at the other teen, to the rest of the school it would look like he was ignoring the other members of the hockey team when he was actually keeping a careful eye on each of them. “Sam! Good to see your mother didn’t ground you from coming to school because you got knocked to the dirt by a, wait what did you say? ’Some dyke bitch?’ Huh, it seems like you haven’t spent the last few weeks learning more insults.”

“You’d better shut your whore mouth, unless you want me and my boys to shut it for you.” Seabury seethed.

“Seabury, is there a reason we aren’t continuing to class?” A tall blond haired, blue eyed boy with the ‘C’ of team captain sewn on his shoulder asked in a bored voice as he looked John up and down once and then proceeded to ignore him.

“George, this is the kid I told you about.” Seabury informed the other teen. He was obviously bowing and scraping to the other teen, it seemed like the team captain was more popular and therefore in charge. “She got in the way of me asking Eliza Schuyler out on a date.”

“Call me a Girl one more time, dickbag.” John took a step towards Seabury. He felt anxious that he was about to start a fight with at least two people, if the whole team didn’t jump in on kicking his ass. He also realized that he could be caught and taken to the principal’s office, an instant expulsion sentence if Principal Adams was to be believed. And John did, the man was at the very least trans-phobic and had the power to deny John a high school diploma. It had been less than fifteen minutes since the principal had made his declaration. John should be trying everything in his power to stay under the radar of a man like that. Unfortunately, John’s pride wouldn’t let him leave Seabury be. He had to answer the insults, show the rest of these teens that he wasn’t someone who would easily lie down for his beatings. 

“What did you say?” Seabury squared up with John. Inches from his face, John could count the pimples on the other teen’s face and smell that he hadn’t brushed his teeth that morning. He was taller and broader than John, but most guys were. John stood his ground glaring up into Seabury’s face, still marked from John’s punch a week and a half ago. 

“Bag of dicks, Seabury, its pretty self explanatory in any language. And I speak three, fluently. Would you like me to translate for you? I’m not as fluent in Dumbass, but I’ll give it my best try.” A familiar voice chatted, John turned to see Alex flanked by Lafayette and Hercules. Instantly the air of the hall changed. It became more charged, the arrival of the three boys turning the impending fight from a small battle into an all out war. 

“I should have guessed that she was with you queerdos.” Seabury growled in response and Alex’s face lit up with glee. 

“Oh look, King’s brought his dog to school today! Wonder if we can pet it?” He asked the two boys next to him.

“Motherf-“ Seabury began as the students in the hall burst into laughter and Hercules made whining dog sounds, holding his hands up like paws.

“I wouldn’t, mon ami, you might get fleas.” Lafayette drawled. He looked down his nose at the others. 

“And if you happened to miss it, this is John. _He_ is our new foster _brother.”_ Hercules made sure the emphasis got through to at least the rest of the students in the hall. The hockey team may be a lost cause, but there were other students witnessing the fight and Herc wanted them to know that they wouldn’t put up with people misgendering John in front of them. Seabury and the hockey team were rearranging themselves, most of the team ringing the crowd to keep a space clear, but Seabury, King and and an asian boy stayed in the center of the circle. Seabury and the other teen flanked King while Alex and Hercules came forward to position themselves in between John and the hockey players. 

Laf’s arm snaked its way across John’s shoulders and he pulled the other boy back away from the fight. “Let us sit this one out, alright, mon ami?”

“What?” John asked in surprise as Alex egged on the other teens, soon Seabury lost his temper and threw a punch and the fight was on. John fumed and pulled against Lafayette’s arm. “No! I can fight, I’m not some stupid damsel in distress!”

Lafayette fixed John with his full attention. Suddenly John couldn’t tell if the flush on his cheeks was from anger or arousal, Lafayette’s eyes were enchanting and he couldn’t look away. “I am not saying that you are, John Laurens. You are nothing like a damsel in need of saving, we all know it. But it is true that you are already injured, we do not want you more hurt. Not everyone is kind enough to aim away from your injuries, mon ami.”

John gasped, so Alex was pulling his punches this morning… It made John feel like even more of a dick about the altercation in the bathroom. 

“Oui. You are also already on Academic Probation. You cannot afford to be taken to the principal’s office because of a fight. Let us take care of these imbeciles.” Lafayette said, reading John’s expression. “Our little lion also feels bad about this morning. He is good at roaring, but not so much at apologizing. Let this be his apology to you.”

“He has nothin-“ John began but was cut off by a teacher’s booming voice calling for a stop to the ruckus. 

Suddenly Hercules was at John’s elbow, a still spitting mad Alexander over his shoulder. He grabbed John and began to tug him down the hall as fast as he could. “Time to retreat. You got this, Laf?”

“Oui, I have, how you say, got this under control.” Laf said as he waded into the hockey players, now a good bit worse for wear, loudly exclaiming about how they had all slipped on a patch of water and that they may need to see the nurse. Soon, Hercules was directing John around the corner and Lafayette was out of sight. 

“What the hell was that?” John asked, a bit out of breath at Hercules’ pace.

“That was how we deal with those massive, ignorant, pieces of-“ Alex began, shaking his fists behind them. 

“Alex! Not now, we gotta get to class before John’s late.” Hercules cut Alex off. He turned another corner still at full speed.

“How did you guys know I was in trouble?” John asked.

“A freshman came running through the halls yelling his head off about ‘the new kid is gonna get his ass kicked.’ You’re the only new kind in the school so we figured you needed help.” Alex explained from his perch atop Hercules’ shoulder. He rested his head on a fist that was rested on Hercules’ muscular back as he bobbed along to the taller teen’s gate.  “Plus any chance I get to rearrange King’s face is a good thing. You know you could put me down, Herc. I’m not gonna run back to the fight.”

Hercules ducked his head in embarrassment, but paused to put Alex on the ground. 

The warning bell rang and Lafayette came loaping up to the three of them and they all continued into the classroom “Well that is taken care of.”

“No problems?” Herc asked.

“Oh, just the normal ones, but King and his cronies could not prove that I was in the fight because I was not. And the rest of the students in the hall scattered before the teacher could get them to tell what happened.” Laf shrugged. “Are anyone injured?”

“’Is’ Laf.” Alex said, scratching his head and wincing as his knuckles twinged. He pulled his hand from his head and noticed a few scratches. “Huh, thought that was King’s blood…”

“Dumbass.” Hercules muttered, pulling a first aid kit out of his backpack and applying some ointment and bandages to Alex’s knuckles.

“Thanks, guys.” John muttered. “I… you didn’t have to come help me, or keep me out of the fight and keep me safe from going to the principal’s office…Especially after how I acted this morning. I’m sorry, Alex.”

“No problem.” Herc smiled at John and gave him a one armed hug as the final bell rang. The teacher was late so the rest of the class continued their conversations.

“Why are you apologizing.” Alex frowned. John’s heart sped up in anxiety, did Alex think that they had irrevocably damaged their relationship? Is that why he didn’t want an apology? Did he make Alex hate him by punching him twice in less than twelve hours? Alex grimaced, John couldn’t tell if it was from his knuckles or some emotion, but he continued. “Hey, stop overthinking it. I can hear your brain working all the way over here. What I mean is, I’m the one who was an ass this morning. I should have been more considerate of, like, your feelings… and all the anxiety that starting a new school comes with. But as long as I’m around, I won’t let anyone call you a girl, or treat you like one. So you don’t have to worry about douche bags like King and Seabury.”

Alex was blushing profusely. He didn’t meet John’s eyes, but John could tell that Alex really did mean what he said. John felt a warm glow begin in his chest and he smiled at the other teen, who looked up at John and started to blush even more. 

“Oui, we will all protect you, mon ami.” Lafayette said, he smiled at John for a moment before frowning and backpedaling, “Not that you need protecting, what I mean to say is…. Ah... I….”

“Can we just appreciate that Alex used his words to admit that he was wrong?” Hercules asked, interrupting Laf’s floundering and making Alex groan right as the teacher entered the room. 

“I know, Mr. Hamilton. You were hoping I wouldn’t come into school today so that you could teach the class the meaning behind Boyle’s law.” All the students laughed and John’s first day of school seemed to have a brighter outlook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want everyone to appreciate that Hercules carries a first aid kit wherever he goes, because his foster brothers are impulsive idiots who constantly get into fights. Plus he is totally the dad friend. One brother because he’s an opinionated little shit that doesn’t know when to back down, and the other just because he thinks its fun sometimes. I have this image of Hercules wondering about the new foster kid the night before John shows up and hoping he’s not as prone to getting into fights as Alex and Laf are. Its kind of like the universe was like: “Yo, we hear you man, but you’re shit out of luck. Wish for something more realistic, like dragons.”
> 
> Also, fun fact! The reason I was so excited to get to this chapter!!!! The fight scene was the scene where this entire universe stemmed from! I was sitting thinking at work one day and the four idiots come bursting into my brain, Alex and Hercules in the middle of a huge fight and crazy outnumbered, but Laf and John off to the side not joining in. And I’m like ‘now why would that be?’ So I started exploring the scene more and more and I realized that John was injured, why? He was also already in trouble at school, also why? And why the hell did John not have his signature long curly locks????? And it was kind of like a ball of thread, once I pulled one string the rest of the story started untangling itself in my mind. So there you have it: the germinal idea for the entire Call Me John Laurens universe!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear John. 
> 
> I apologize for all the pining you are going through. I know all of us here wish you didn’t have to sit there and lust after three gorgeous reincarnations of the founding fathers. It really isn’t fair that they all look so damn good and you always put your foot in your mouth (or you fist in their faces). But really where would the fun be if everything was easy?
> 
> With love (and all the pine of a 20 acre forrest),  
> ImmaDoaThing

Chemistry was a horrible, horrible class. Or at least it was in John’s mind. His dislike of the class had nothing to do with difficulty of the reading or the danger of the work. John actually had a natural affinity for science classes. No. John’s dislike of chemistry had everything to do with the three young men who had situated themselves in the three desks to the front and sides of his.

He could barely focus on what the teacher called ‘the boring, but oh so necessary when you put twenty-odd seventeen and eighteen year olds in charge of chemicals and open flames, mandatory first safety lesson.’ Alex then quipped that he was only sixteen and hated to prove a teacher wrong in the first twenty minutes of class. To which the teacher responded with an eye roll and a grumble that might have sounded like ‘Impudent little something-or-other’ and continued the class, ignoring Alex. John wished he could ignore Alex just as neatly…

No, he was focused on Laf, Alex and Herc because every few minutes, one of them would glance over at him, catch his eye, give him what he knew they thought of as an encouraging smile, and then return to taking notes. For Alex this was quite a feat, because he sat in the desk in front of John and had to turn completely around in his seat to do so. Alex either timed these so that the teacher didn’t notice him turning around, or the teacher himself didn’t care if Alex was paying attention either way. 

It all combined to ensure that John was both flustered and flushing the whole class, as well as not paying as good attention as he should have been for the first safety class. 

At the very least this school had a block scheduling system, so John didn’t have to stand in the front of class and introduce himself to the class, mumbling and pausing every few words like an idiot. The Teacher did have everyone in the class go around and introduce themselves, giving their names and an interesting fact about themselves. 

“My mane is Alexander Hamilton and there’s a million things I haven’t done, but just you wait.” Alex announced proudly when it was his turn. The class groaned and someone called out: ‘Get new material!’ Apparently, Alex always said something of the sort when called upon in class. 

“I am Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de La Fayette, Marquis de La Fayette.” While most of the students groaned as Lafayette said his full name. His eyes twinkled as he announced his interesting bit of information, not actually giving anyone any more information, “And my name is quite long.”

“Hercules Mulligan. I like to sew.” Hercules said matter-of-factly, throwing a look around the room that dared the other students to laugh at his hobby or say something along the lines of ‘men don’t sew.’ Hercules flexed his biceps as he crossed his arms over his chest and John completely forgot that he was next to introduce himself.

“Earth to Laurens!” Alex had to practically shout in John’s face to bring him back from his blushing fascination with the play of the older teen’s muscles beneath his smooth skin. Of course as soon as John focused again, he was blushing furiously.

“Ummm… I’m John Laurens….” He mumbled. The entire class was staring at him. He had to say something… what do I do??? John asked himself. _Got nothing girl? Not interesting in the slightest. Ha ha ha! You’re pathetic._

What could he say that was interesting about him? He truly had no idea. The memory of Peggy introducing themself with such confidence just a few weeks ago barged through the Voice’s berating of his lack of import. Peggy had been so confident. It had made John jealous, he’d wished to have that confidence. Maybe he could pretend he was Peggy, with their self assurance in who they were? Wasn’t this the same school the younger teen went to as well? Maybe it would be safe enough? What could it hurt, the other students would find out sooner or later and either hate him, or be indifferent. But Peggy’s confidence. It had to come from somewhere… What was the saying? Fake it till you make it.

John took a deep breath, looked around the room locking eyes with several students before looking among the three teens around him that were giving him encouraging smiles. His heart was beating out of his chest and his hand had found the fidget cube in his pocket. John straightened his shoulders, his chin raising at a defiant angle as he announced, “I’m John Laurens. I’m, trans and my pronouns are ‘he’ and ‘him’.” 

He was met by several moments of silence from the class, he was just about to have a panic attack because no one moved, no one said a word. Some students looked confused, some had no expression. He began to feel dizzy with all the adrenaline running through him at that moment. The looks he received from Alex, Laf and Herc were enough to make him forget that the rest of the class was even there. The three of them looked like they would never have been more proud of him then they were in that moment. He wanted to bask in these looks for the rest of his life. Then one of the students, a girl in the front of the class with short hair, buzzed at the sides and long on the top, began to clap. The other students joined in, some more slowly than others. 

The teacher gruffly silenced the class, “Ok, Ok. Alright, everyone. We still have more students to introduce. Welcome to Yorktown High, Mr. Laurens, though.”

The rest of the class passed. John less focused on the teacher than ever before. He just gave up completely when he noticed Laf and Herc taking no notes at all and Alex scribbling furiously in his notebooks. He guessed Alex was taking notes for all of them, with how unconcerned the other two were. His thoughts were confirmed when Laf passed a note to him; disguising it in a huge, arm stretching yawn, reaching all the way across to John’s desk and dropping a folded sheet of paper. 

John almost missed the note, admiring how long Lafayette’s arms were, how well muscled, and how nicely they attached to his chest and neck. He was imagining what it would be like to feel the muscles of Lafayette’s chest with the other teen giving him a smirk that just made him blush harder when Hercules coughed pointedly. John realized he was staring, and that Laf saw he was staring. John was mortified and fixed his eyes on the top of his desk, resolving to never move them from the ink stains that graced the top of the plastic desk. The note was there, neatly folded with a tiny tab that said ‘pull.’

‘ _Don’t worry about notes, mon ami. Our petit lion will only throw yours away, claiming that he takes better notes than the rest of us combined.’_  

John looked to Laf and caught a smile and wink the French teen tossed him. John blushed and looked to the desk in front of him. He hazarded a glance at Herc and saw him also looking at him. Herc shrugged, as if he knew exactly what was on the note that Laf had passed him. 

John prayed for the bell. If only to be able to retreat to the privacy of a bathroom stall to try and collect himself. When the bell finally did ring, he bolted out of the room, calling over his shoulder, “Bathroom!” and running at full speed down the hall. 

How the hell was he going to survive this class? And then he may have study hall and lunch with the three objects of his affection as well? At least in those there could be more students to talk to and distract them (to hide among). But having all three of the boys sitting around him, silently watching him, giving him secret winks and smiles and passing notes to him… This was going to be a very long semester….

“Where’s the fire, Laurens?” John was pulled out of his silent misery by Peggy, leaning against a row of lockers and waving him over. They wore a cropped black leather jacket similar to his, but his was regular length and a gift from his three perfect tormentors. Peggy also had a pair of jeans and band t-shirt to pull their look together. Bright yellow All-Star high tops were crossed leisurely at their ankles. Peggy’s curly hair was braided close to their head on one side and left to frizz out on all other sides. They pushed themself off of the lockers and pushed past a gaggle of freshman girls babbling about some new makeup technique. 

“Uh…” He responded dumbly.

“Rhetorical question.” Peggy shrugged, good-naturedly. “Oh, hey! What study group do you have? Which lunch?”

John pulled out his class schedule and unfolded it. “Um, study Group B in the Library, and third lunch.”

“Aw, man! I have Group D in the science wing,” Peggy groused, throwing their arm around his shoulders and steering him away down the packed hall. “But we have the same lunch! That’s lucky! How’s your first day going?”

“Kinda a disaster…” John began and then huffed a laugh. 

“Pessimistic much?” Peggy barked a laugh and winked at John.

“I mean, well. I didn’t get off one good terms with the principal…”

“He’s a dick.” Peggy dismissed. “He’s always calling me ‘young lady’ and ‘Mrs. Schuyler’ I was kinda hoping you’d pass under that asshole’s radar.”

“I also have Chemistry with,” _all three of the objects of my desire, the men who make me feel all tingly inside, and make me want to be the best person I can be. The three people who infuriate me, terrify me, frustrate me, calm me, empower me, and support me all at the same time. The three people who are rapidly becoming more important to me than my own life._ “Lafayette.” John finished lamely, even to his own ears.

“Ahhhh.” Peggy nodded sagely. “And I bet he spends the whole class flirting with everyone and it makes you jealous.”

“I mean, not really.” John scratched his head. “The flirting is kind of who Laf is, he doesn’t mean anything by it. Its just that when he flirts with me…”

“Gets you all hot and bothered!” Peggy cheered, bumping his hip with theirs. They wiggled their eyebrows and smiled lasciviously. “Mmmmhmmm!!! Yes sir! ‘Waiter, I would like a nice long chocolate baguette please. Make sure its nice and steamy!!’”

“I missed my English class this morning….” John decided to ignore Peggy’s playful taunts and change the subject. He noticed that Peggy didn’t really abide by personal bubbles, they still had their arm around John’s shoulders and were still dragging him through the halls. He wasn’t used to people touching him, it was weird. He didn’t know what to do with his own hands, didn’t even know if he liked their arm around his shoulders. He was torn between wanting Peggy to still like him, wanting to be ok with their arm around his shoulders, and the feeling of his skin crawling because he wasn’t used to physical affection… “I was late to school and then I had to meet the principal as well as finish some paperwork…”

“I noticed you weren’t in class.” Peggy responded dryly, unaware of the war going on inside of John. When he looked at them with surprise. “Teacher called roll. And I’m in advanced placement for English.”

“Super observant and AP English? Are you sure you shouldn’t try to be a Journalist?” John teased lightly. Relief flooding him and almost making John dizzy. He would at least have a friend in English.

Peggy snorted. “Jefferson’s been trying to get me on the school paper all year. But I wouldn’t sign myself up for that kind of torture.”

“What’s wrong with the school paper?” John asked. 

“Hamilton and Jefferson were both up for Editor last year when my sister Angelica left for college. Jefferson practically bought most of his votes, and Hamilton is still salty over it.” Peggy made a face and looked around the hall, it was emptying as the first bell rang. John noticed that Peggy had steered John to the front doors of the Library, all the way across the school from the science wing where they had met and Peggy should be. “He, and by ‘he’ I mean Alex, put together a rival paper in response. Its an online magazine that mostly bashes the rich and famous kids who think their shit don’t stink. He called it ‘Can’t Buy Class.’ Its actually really funny. I do write for him sometimes, but under a pen name. But the best part is that Alex hasn’t quit the regular paper, and the school has a rule that if you want to be in a club they can’t keep you out of it. So Alex still writes for the school paper just to keep pissing Jefferson off. But I’m going to be late to study hall, see you at lunch!”

They waved and ran off down the hall. John chuckled as he waved to his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is days and days late... Things got hectic for me. My dog is being difficult in that she has discovered that she likes to eat the underwire out of bras... So I'm down to three bras. Plus she's been refusing to go potty outside in the rain, but still wants to go for walks when it's pouring...... Then I have a transfer at work coming up and the people at work are being difficult about it... I got new glasses so there was the stress of answering a string of questions that always sets me on edge...... So sorry, sorry, sorry!!!!
> 
> So I was planning on John’s first day of school being maybe two chapters at the most….. but then John was having such a time of it in Chemistry that Peggy kinda just pushed me aside, cracked their knuckles and had to come in and relax him a bit. John really needs good platonic friends. So John’s first day is probably going to be three or four chapters at least. I mean, I haven’t even gotten to lunch yet. Plus there is the classes John has to take after school… And maybe sections that don’t focus fully on John… so we have a lot more stuff that I can cover. Like two more chapters at the least. 
> 
> Also, what should Peggy’s pen name be? I was thinking either ‘Mind@Werk’ or ‘Searching4Satisfaction’ Vote in the comments. I think I’ll make Alex’s pen name the losing one, bc I really like both of them.   
> This update supported by CelticMuse34.  
> Talk to me on tumblr @immadoathing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest, readers.
> 
> I love you all dearly. My life has been so hectic, and this story and my other big one have given me a reason to look forward to something. With things settling down and my stress evening out I can say with all my heart that the support I get form y’all is magnificent. I’m gonna bake all of you muffins because you deserve them.
> 
> Love,  
> Me.

Alex, Lafayette and Hercules watched John run out of the class room before any of them had a chance to pack up their things. 

“Shit…” Alex muttered, turning to the other two. “What happened?”

“I don’t know…” Hercules said. 

“I am thinking we need to find other focuses for our, how you say, affectionate feelings?” Laf hadn’t taken his eyes off the door that John had disappeared through, a small frown creasing his brow.  

‘You can just say ‘affections’” Alex said absently frowning and scratching a cheek.

“We are Pretty flirty around him…” Hercules admitted. “Maybe he’s too polite to tell us to fuck off. I mean, we don’t even know if he’s gay…”

Lafayette snorted, “The way he stares at all of us, I would eat my own shoe if he isn’t gay.”

“Or at least some shade of queer.” Alex chipped in. 

“You know what assuming gets you, Lafayette.” Herc said warningly. 

“Non, I do not.” Laf said, completely straight faced. “What does assuming get me?”

“Well, I believe I’ll go put plan ‘date-other-people-so-John-doesn’t-get-flustered-and-we-aren’t-tempted-to break-the-rules’ into action.” Alex said hurriedly as he shoved papers and books into his bag. He ran to the front of the class to flag down the girl who had clapped after John made his announcement, calling, “ Hey, Abby! Wait up a sec!”

“Well he wastes no time…” Hercules mumbled staring off after Alex and Abby as they exited the classroom and Alex took the girl’s books to carry for her. 

“I am just saddened that I did not think of asking Abby out first.” Lafayette chuckled. “Ah, well. Cest la vie. Maybe I shall find someone I am compatible with in study hall? Shall we be off, mon ami?”

“You two are dogs…” Hercules laughed and punched Laf in the arm.

“If I was a dog I would be a very cute Bichon Frise!” Laf giggled and made puppy whining noises at Hercules, cupping his hands under his chin like paws. 

“Alexander would be a Terrier of some sort. Maybe a Jack Russel?” Hercules supposed, laughing at Lafayette’s antics.

“Non. A Cairn Terrier.” Lafayette replied. “Cheerful, alert, busy and independent-minded. Of course, this is according to your American Kennel Club.”

“Of course.” Hercules replied as he led the way out of the classroom and to their study hall. 

 

***

 

Another bought of anxiety hit John as he walked through the door to the library. The unknown, who would be in here? What would they think about him? Would they disapprove? Hate him? Hurt him? Would he feel the simmering disgust and hatred like a snake waiting to bite for weeks or even months before it broke, or would they instantly start being nasty. Would they just go in on him from the beginning?

Was he always going to feel a stab of fear just walking into a room? Why couldn’t he just walk into a room like he owned it, like Laf? Or blow in, uncaring of what anyone else thought, like Alex? Or just walk in calm and confident that everything around him was under control, like Herc?

He settled his things down on a table he found in a alcove to the rear of the library. The board at the front of the library had said that this period was for quiet independent study and instructed the students to find places among the stacks of books and to stay silent for the time they had to study before their lunch period.

“That’s my spot.” John looked up to see the asian hockey player that had joined in with King and Seabury earlier that day.

“There wasn’t anything on the table when I got here.” John started. he could be wrong, but it felt like the other boy was challenging him. John would never back down to assholes like him and his friends. He could get his ass kicked every time, but they would know that John wouldn’t let their attitudes go. “I don’t see your name on anything.”

“Lee. I see you are acquainted already with our new student.” Another student interceded as the hockey player, Lee, pulled his fist back to let a punch fly at John’s face. John had pushed back from the table and was readying himself to go all in in the brewing fight. The interloper was tall, with curly hair poofing out around his head. He had a strange resemblance to Lafayette… so much so that John had to do a double take. “Would you be kind enough to introduce us, Charles?”

Lee just glared between the tall teen and John, dropped his fist, and beat a retreat. Apparently, John by himself was worth the trouble but with the other teen, he wasn’t. 

“I apologize for Charles’ manners.” The teen turned to John and held out a hand for John to shake. “I am Thomas Jefferson. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“John Laurens.” John responded watching the other teen drop his things on the table and sprawl across the remaining surface. John made a face, “Tables aren’t for sitting on top of…”

The other teen laughed, and John wasn’t sure if he liked this person or not… But Thomas moved to a seat and pulled out a few sheets of paper. Is this the Jefferson that Alex had issues with? Should he snub the other teen in solidarity with Alex and his dislike of Jefferson? Is that what friends did? John was just wondering that maybe having friends was more trouble than its worth when a cheerful shout sounded through the library, quickly followed by the librarian’s scornful ‘shhhh!’

“Merveilleux!” Lafayette called loudly as he approached the table and completely ignored the old, stuffy woman. “I see you have both found my new friend and a table for us to sit at, Jefferson!”

“Hey, Gilbert.” Jefferson pushed aside some of his papers to make room for Lafayette at the table. He gave John an appraising look, “So this is the kid who knocked Hamilton on his ass this morning?”

“I didn’t knock him on his ass…” John said, blushing and looking away from the two. 

“Oui, mon ami. He is our dear Laurens.” Lafayette announced making John blush even harder. “But that is inside the point.”

“‘Beside the point.’” Jefferson chuckled.

“Our, that. I need help with my Algebra homework, Thomas.” Laf said batting his lashes a bit at Jefferson, which made John a little angry, if he was being honest. “Could you please explain this problem for me?”

John was going to make his excuses when Hercules found them. John looked around for Alex but the short teen was nowhere to be seen. 

“Oh, Alex has Study Group A.” Hercules explained. “He would have D with us still if he hadn’t goaded Jefferson here into a fight last semester.”

“Hamilton is a sore looser.” Jefferson commented absently as he scribbled an explanation of the math problem in French for Lafayette. 

“You are a sore winner too, buddy.” Hercules shot back. It was weird, Hercules obviously didn’t care for Jefferson. But Lafayette hadn’t stopped flirting with the other tall young man since he’d sat down (which was a problem in and of itself to John, for reasons that he didn’t want to examine just then). So why was Hercules still sitting here, acting halfway civil with Jefferson? Why didn’t he just find another table? Why didn’t Hercules ask if they could go sit somewhere else, John would go with the stocky teen if he said something. Why didn’t Lafayette stop flirting with Jefferson? He was obviously upsetting Hercules and frankly it was also making John uncomfortable, too. And why the hell was Jefferson flirting back with Lafayette??

John bent over his chemistry book and tried to ignore Lafayette and Jefferson entirely. However it made him angrier every time Jefferson reached out and touched Lafayette’s hand or squeezed his shoulder. And he got more and more jealous every time Lafayette would smile at Jefferson or laugh at Jefferson’s jokes. Which were honestly not very funny at all. Ironic, he had just said to Peggy that Lafayette flirting with other people wasn’t the problem… Maybe it was more Lafayette flirting casually wasn’t the problem, Lafayette flirting with intention was another thing entirely.

 _Awwww, your boyfriend find someone else to occupy his time? No wonder. You’re such a prude._ The Voice taunted him, sneering. _I bet he got tired of waiting around for you to make up your mind. Not that he would have stayed long anyway. You’re so fucked up, you probably would have run him off as fast as you could blink. At least you still have the other two, right girl? Maybe one of them will have the patience to wait for to figure out what you want, not likely though… I mean Alex and Hercules are pretty attractive men, they probably have girls and guys banging down their doors with people less fucked up than you are trying to give them what they want. What you can’t…._

John’s hands shook and he tried to reach into his backpack for his pills, but the zipper got stuck. He practically started to rip at the thing before strong hands pushed his away and carefully opened the zipper, fished out the small pill case and handed him one. He took it and swallowed it, the Voice still taunting him. By this time he was covered in a thin layer of sweat and his mouth was bone dry. He couldn’t look any of them in the eye, Lafayette least of all. 

“Hey, are you ok?” That was Jefferson. The others were so used to John and his panic attacks by now that they didn’t comment, just went back to what they were doing before John started to shake and stare off into space like a complete idiot. _Worthless, horrible tease…._ The voice whispered in his head. It came from far away though, retreating as the medication did it’s work. 

“Uh. Yah…” John mumbled. He scraped his books and papers into his backpack and got up to leave. “I need to go find a bathroom.”

“I can show you-“ Hercules started. 

“No. I can find it on my own, thank you.” John said, still not looking up at any of the other three as he wound his way to the front of the library, past the disapproving glare from the librarian, and out into the halls of the school.

 

***

 

Lunch was a wholly uneventful affair. John found Peggy already seated at a table next to Lafayette, Hercules and Alexander. Unfortunately, King and his gang of degenerates also had third lunch… Today they kept to taunts and glares from across the room. John guessed they didn’t want to push their luck by getting into two fights in the middle of the first day back. They were smarter than they looked, well one of them at least. 

If the others noticed that John didn’t say much and was still stuck in his bad mood, they didn’t comment. The comments made by the Voice in his head had stuck like burrs in his chest. Eventually, the people around him would get tired of taking care of him. He was so fucking weak…. Why did he have to be this way? What was wrong with him? He should be able to just put everything behind him and move on. 

Just like everything in his existence, John’s thoughts circled from one anxiety around to Henry Laurens. He always ended up in the same train of thought. His father didn’t care about him enough to come find him. It’d been over a month since he’d limped out of that house, and he hadn’t heard from him. The man hadn’t even tried to contact him when the judge had sent John to either of the houses he’d been to since then. In just a few months, John would even age out of the system. Then he would be in the wind; never at the mercy of Henry Laurens ever again. 

John ground his teeth. Did he even want his father to reconcile with him? Did he want Henry to try and find him? Would he be able to forgive him? John didn’t think he was that good of a man… 

Or worse what if Henry tried to find him to finish beating him to death? What if this was only a momentary reprieve? He could be blindly going about his life, not knowing that Henry was somewhere out there trying to find him to erase the disgrace to his family’s name… The thought chilled John to the bone…

John stayed quiet and zoned out in his head through the end of lunch. He followed the boys and Peggy to the Mathematics wing, they dropped John off at his class and went to each of theirs. He didn’t pay attention in class. Didn’t take notes. Didn’t even catch the assignment for the next day… 

“Fuck.” John mumbled as he watched the teacher wipe away the assignment to get ready for the next class. 

“Here.” A piece of notebook paper was shoved into Johns line of sight. Small elegant letters spelled out the assignment that John had missed writing down. 

John stared up into the eyes of the girl who had clapped for him in Chemistry. “Oh.. uh…”

“I’m Abby Smith. I noticed you weren’t really all here during the lecture and thought you might need these.” The girl smiled and rested her books on one hip, cocking her head to the side. She waved the paper a little bit, John hadn’t reached up to take it yet.

“J-John Laurens.” John said taking the offered paper. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” She said, smiled again and began to leave the classroom. She turned almost at the door. “Hopefully whatever’s on your mind isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be, John.”

And she was gone. 

Wow, John was little flummoxed. He had two classes with a girl who didn’t care about his gender. Two classes with someone outside of his little group that seemed supportive. Two classes where his biggest problem wasn’t going to be the stares and whispers of hatred that wafted around him like a fog in his last school. Maybe not everyone in the school liked him, he could live with that. But not everyone in this school hated him, that was… different. Good different. 

John felt tension he didn’t know he held release at the realization that here, he might be able to just be a regular guy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merveilleux- Marvelous
> 
> So three down, three to go! What awaits John when he gets to his last class of the real school day? What will happen in his “extra classes?” Who knows?
> 
> Abby Smith is just a random character there to move the plot along. She’s probably going to show up in like one or two more chapters and then be gone forever. Just a nice person who isn't one of the main group. The story needed something like that, there are too many negative characters. 
> 
> I did a quick google search for the traits for terriers that matched Ham, and the Cairn Terrier popped up. Its a cute little scruffy thing that I thought matched Alex perfectly. And of course Laf is a poofy Bichon. Poll time! What kind of dogs do you guys think John and Herc relate most to?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short(ish) chapter… Idk it just felt like this is where it should end. I mean its still over 2k so I don’t feel too bad. 
> 
> I am unfortunately going to have to go on a hiatus… Which is why I’m updating both of my stories on a Sunday night. I start my new training tomorrow, and I’m not sure what it’s going to be like. Also I don’t have anymore chapters finished right now, so I don’t know if I’m going to have time to work on writing much. So I’m going to hit the pause button for at least a month, unless I end up having time and inspiration to write. Wish me luck at my new job!!
> 
> Edit: I changed a little bit that was bothering me in the end of this chapter... It works better now. Thanks.

John’s positive outlook was short lived. As soon as he stepped into the band classroom and shrill voice screeched at him. “Who are you and what are you doing in my classroom?”

John spun to see a tall woman, reed-thin with dirty blond hair and huge glasses that made her eyes look three sizes too large on her face. She bared down on him and he began to sweat. Fighting the urge to run and hide from this gigantic stork of a woman, John mumbled, “I’m John, John Laurens. And I-I was assigned to your class, ma’am.”

He let his southern accent thicken and drip off his tongue like honey, hoping to sweeten the woman’s disposition. It didn’t work. She reached out a hand covered in rings and bracelets and gestured impatiently for his class schedule. She took it from his hand too hard, almost rudely and muttered as she read the list of classes. 

“So you’re _that_ student.” She said and handed his schedule back to him. “Do you play an instrument?” John shook his head; she made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a squawk and continued, “Can you at least read sheet music?” At John’s second shake ‘no,’ she squawked again and her face, already red, quickly deepened past purple. John was concerned that she was about to have an aneurysm. But she only squawked a third time, and pointed to the back row of instruments where a gigantic drum was set. “Do not touch anything, unless I point directly at you. And even then, don’t do anything but hit the drum once. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” John murmured and retreated hastily from the teacher’s presence. ‘That student.’ The teachers were already talking about him, he already had a reputation… and apparently not a good one… great…

Someone chuckled as John shuffled past the flute section and John was already on edge so he turned, ready to fight. Except the person laughing was Eliza Schuyler. 

“I’m so sorry, but Mrs. Stokwich is kind of excitable.” Eliza smiled ruefully at him. “I really didn’t mean to laugh, but…”

“She kinda looks like a stork.” John said, laughing with Eliza. She set him at ease and her laughter was helping him see the humor of the situation he had just escaped from. John made a face, “And those noises? She sounds like one too.”

“Stork witch.” Eliza giggled, tears streaming down her face. They both laughed. 

“Hey, I didn’t know you played an instrument.” John said not eager to leave her comforting presence and retreat back into his corner of musical talentless shame. 

“Yah, since I was really young. My parents had all three of us in music lessons. But Angelica became part of too many clubs to keep it up and Peggy said it cramps their style.” Eliza winked at him. “But between the two of us, I still hear them practicing the guitar every once in a while.”

“I’ll take it to the grave.” John said solemnly. 

“If you want, I could teach you how to read sheet music after school.” Eliza offered.

“I have to take two extra classes to graduate on time…” John murmured as he scratched the back of his head.

“Weekends then?” Eliza supplied, graciously not saying anything about his extra classes. “And Mrs. Stokwich gives us papers to write on composers every few weeks, so we can work on ours together and I’ll help you learn a ‘real instrument not just a Neanderthal’s tool for scaring children.’ According to the Stork.”

John laughed at Eliza’s imitation of the teacher’s speech. By then Mrs. Stokwich was exiting her small office just off of the main room and flapping her shawls around her shoulders to resettle them. She called the class to order just as Samuel Seabury sauntered through the door.

John’s heart sank…. How was he going to get through a class with this asshole? He’d end up socking Seabury one day in the middle of class and get kicked out of school. He just knew it.

“You are late, Samuel.” Mrs. Stokwich said regally looking down her nose at Seabury.

“No, I’m not.” Seabury responded.

“I am the teacher, I say when class begins and I say you are late.” Mrs Stokwich scowled at Seabury. 

John made a mental note to never be less than 5 minutes early to this class, he definitely couldn’t afford to get kicked out because the teacher decided that he was late. Just as the staring match between Seabury and the teacher stretched into the area of ‘uncomfortable’ the late bell rang. Seabury laughed, shrugged off Mrs. Stockwich’s ire and took a seat in the horns section. As the last chimes of the bell rang, Lafayette sauntered into the classroom. Lafayette had the misfortune to be the next victim for attracting Mrs. Stokwich’s anger. 

Shit, he hadn’t remembered that Lafayette was going to be in that class… Did Laf ever say that he had band? A faint memory of their conversation in the foyer just days ago floated to his mind. He did say something about band…Did Lafayette remember that John was also going to be in band? He was in the back corner of the room and he kind of hoped that Laf would forget, at least for today… The way he had been flirting with Jefferson had bothered John. Not that he had any real right to be bothered in the first place, but John would prefer not to have to interact with the other teen before he’d had a chance to pack away the jealousy he felt. But did Lafayette actually know how to play an instrument? 

Laf picked up a violin case from a cubby at the side of the room and crossed to the violin section. Well, he guessed that was his answer… The French teen smiled and waved at one person or another as he found his seat, first chair violin, and turned to meet John’s eyes. He winked once and turned back to the front where the teacher was starting her lecture.

John groaned…. Great. Knowing Lafayette, he would seek John out at the end of class and John would have to put on his friendly, play-fair face and pretend that he wasn’t completely head over heels for the person who was now probably dating one of Alexander’s biggest rivals. And breaking his heart while doing so. 

His head fell to the taught skin stretched across the top of the drum causing a loud thump. John had forgotten that he wasn’t sitting at a desk. The noise resounded around the room and every face was suddenly turned to him. John went crimson with embarrassment. Mrs. Stokwich was on him like a hawk screeching at him about proper respect for instruments and having only three strikes in her class and that this was his first strike. This went on for the next twenty minutes while John silently fumed, less embarrassed now and more furious at Lafayette.

What was Laf thinking? Dating this Jefferson guy?  He seemed pretentious. Way too into himself to even notice someone else. John could feel the green dragon of jealousy begin to uncurl in his stomach. This Jefferson guy couldn’t hold a candle to Laf; he wasn’t even worth Lafayette’s attention, let alone his time. Laf was amazing, talented and kind. Jefferson was a douche bag. He wasn’t good enough for Lafayette. No one was.

Well, Alex was. And Hercules. They were all too good for this world. John would never be able to match up to these three gods. Next to them he was a raindrop in the ocean. Or a campfire when compared to the sun. John could never hope to catch any one of these boys. Let alone all three… They were already pulling away from him, just as he’d feared. 

It seemed so silly now that he had worried they would join the other students in making fun of him, teasing him and making his life at his new school hell. They had found a better way to accomplish the same ends. They were looking at other people…

The bell rang, jolting John out of his roller coaster of emotional distress. It was starting to give him whiplash, swinging from angry, to jealous, to depressed. 

Eliza approached him with a  small smile. “Earth to Laurens. Can you read me?”

“Hey, Eliza.” John said gloomily. He looked around for Lafayette and noticed the other teen was approaching them. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked. John shook his head as Lafayette joined them and thankfully Eliza changed the subject. She turned to the tall French teen and glared at him. “What do you think you are doing with Thomas Jefferson?”

“Who, moi?” Lafayette struck one of his poses and received his intended giggle from Eliza. “Nothing, mon ami. He and I were just capturing up.”

“Catching up.” Eliza said rolling her eyes. “I heard that you were flirting with him all study hall. You know the two of you don’t do well together. like oil and vinegar. Why even bother with flirting with him. Unless you were angry at Alex and wanted to get under his skin?”

“Non, I was not trying to anger le petit lion.” Lafayette shrugged. “I was simply rusty in my flirting and decided that Jefferson was the best tool I could use to sharpen it. He and I both know that we cannot date, we tried and it was disastrous.” He added in an aside to John with a wink that made the other boy’s heart flutter. “Besides, he has committed himself to the young Ms. Sally Hemings. They are quite besotted with each other. It is cute. And vinegar and oil frequently come together to make delicious dressings.”

“Good, because I’d hate to hear that you were using someone’s emotions as ammunition to get back for any kind of argument.” Eliza deadpanned. "And stop nit picking my analogies."

"Get better analogies." Lafayette said bumping into Eliza as they descended the tiered seating of the band room.

John felt a flood of relief, Laf wasn’t dating Jefferson. He was just flirting to flirt. It didn’t make much sense to John, he’d never had the opportunity to flirt openly with anyone, but at least Laf admitted that nothing was going to happen. 

“How has your first day gone?” Lafayette’s gaze was on John now. John started and blinked owlishly at Laf.

“Uh.. ok, I guess. Better than I expected.” He hesitated and then continued. “I still have two classes to go, though.”

“That’s right, you have two regular classes instead of clubs.” Eliza said. “Lucky. I would give anything to be able to take another class and give up on Volleyball…”

“Oh, but you play wonderfully, mon cheri Eliza.” Lafayette said, taking Eliza’s hand and kissing the air over her fingers. She pulled her hand back and gave him her most unimpressed look. Lafayette was flirting with Eliza… John was a bit jealous, but much less so than when Jefferson was the focus of Lafayette’s affections. Eliza was at least worthy of Lafayette’s kindness, generosity and humor because the girl matched him almost equally in all these qualities. 

“One day flirting with people you don’t actually like is going to get you into trouble, Mr. Marquis de Lafayette.” Eliza returned.

“But what if it isn’t so? What if I actually like you and am just too shy to say as much?” Lafayette asked in a breathy, meek tone, batting his eyelashes. 

“For one thing,  you are a great many things. Shy is not one of them.” Eliza said. “For another, you forget that I’ve seen you around people you actually like, listened and consoled you as you mooned over them. If you really like someone, you don’t just start with flirting. You buy them presents and dote on them, find ways to always be near-“

“Oh, would you look at that… The bell, I have to be going to Theatre Club.” Lafayette cut Eliza off and spun to leave the room. 

“Lafayette’s been acting kinda strange lately…” Eliza said to John as they watched the French teen leave.

“I wouldn’t know…” John sighed. Laf definitely had a good ass. It was sad that he left to the sound of a fake bell no one else heard, but it was nice to watch him leave. Especially in the tight, skinny legged jeans that hugged in all the places a good pair of jeans should hug.

The actual bell rang then and Eliza sighed. “Off into battle… If I don’t survive practice, tell my family they should have enrolled us in a different school and that I’ll haunt them to the end of time.”

The girl waved and smiled cheerfully at John as she left. John returned the wave and went in search of his next class. At least Biology was something that made sense to him. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to deal with assholes in his next class…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All. The. PINE!!!!!! Now I have an image of that little meme guy but dressed as John saying that. lol
> 
> John staring a Laf’s ass is a treat. Laf’s ass is a treat as well, but whatever. Lol 
> 
> Ugh, Eliza the Perfect and Seabury the Douchenozzle in the same class? Things are going to happen, and of course they are going to center around how much of a douchenozzle Seabury is. 
> 
> The Stork is molded after one of my college professors. She was my advisor and the woman was the bane of my existence. But at least she was better than the other professor in my major. I went to a small school and there were only two professors to choose from… literally the lesser of two evils. 
> 
> This update supported by CelticMuse34.  
> Talk to me on tumblr @immadoathing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How will the extra classes go? I guess you all will just have to read to find out:

Biology was not a mess, surprisingly. The teacher was already in the room when John came in. Remaining seated behind his desk, the man asked John to pull out one of the biology books from a pile on a table in a corner of the room. John sat in one of the desks in the front row, feeling like it would be rude for him to try and sit in the back of the room with there being only two of them there. 

The slender man explained to John that this was his extra credit tutoring period for any students that needed help in his regular classes. Soon other students would be joining them and John would have lab partners to work with. Because they would just be covering what he taught in regular classes, the teacher said, it was simple for him to teach things to John anew. The teacher then set John to reading the first chapter of the biology book and then promptly leaned back at his desk and took a nap. 

John opened his book and started to read. It was a rudimentary introduction lesson that John had taken in a similar class at his old school. It meant that John already knew what the lesson was mostly about. It also meant that John’s mind was allowed to roam.

His first thought was for the hockey team. Seabury and the rest of them were going to prove to be a problem for him. How would he be able to make his way through his classes while avoiding them at all costs? Because John had decided that the only way he wasn’t going to get into fights with them was to make sure their paths never crossed. It wasn’t going to work in band, Seabury was going to be a thorn in his side. At the very least the other teen was going to try and goad him into fights every day. John wasn’t sure that his temper wouldn’t get the best of him… And that other hockey kid in his study hall… At least there he had Laf and Herc to buffer him. He had Laf in band, too, but there wasn’t much he was going to be able to do, seated all the way across the room.

Second, Alex, Laf, and possibly Herc were going to be dating other people… Today with Laf ‘honing his skills’ had shown that he was ready to hit the dating field. John would just have to find a way to be ok with that… The thought galled him. How the hell could he be ok with that? He’d just have to be, it wasn’t like he had any claim on the three young men. It wasn’t like any of them had given him a reason to think that their kindness was because of anything other friendship. 

He was getting used to the idea that they were truly his friends. They’d had multiple chances to turn nasty. so many chances to side with others who had proven to think of John as ‘less than.’ Of course there was always the chance that they would change. Always a chance…

He had other things to focus on. But there would always be a small kernel of doubt. Did they really like him as he is? Or did they like some internal vision of him that he ultimately wouldn’t be able to hold up to? 

His classes. He had to focus on passing his classes. That’s what he should have been focusing on all day. The school wasn’t giving him any room for error, and he’d spent the better part of the day worried about Seabury or staring at the guys with moonbeams in his eyes. He berated himself. Focus! Classes first!! 

English was an unknown, and Art were going to be a mystery until next week… but Chemistry was going to be hard; if only because of Laf, Herc, and Alex. Math was never really his best subject. Band was going to be an exercise in patience, but he may be able to slide through it quietly… If he could keep away from Seabury and Mrs. Stokwich… At the same time… John was going to be expelled just for band alone……

The bell for the first after school club period rang. The teacher snored himself awake and told John to keep reading chapter 1 for the next day. That they were going to try one of the experiments at the end of the chapter the next day. Then John was winding through other students to find the French Club. 

He saw Herc and Laf emerging from the theatre and Theatre Club together and he irrationally ducked behind a clump of freshmen. He wasn’t avoiding the two teens, he told himself. He was just giving himself a break. He needed one after all the conflicting emotions of the day, and the two would only bring up more for him. So avoiding them was self care. That wasn’t a bad thing, right?

He watched as the two boys walked down the hall together. He could tell that the two were joking with each other. Laf cocked his head and placed a hand on Herc’s arm. Hercules bumped into Laf, the other teen tripping a few steps before coming back and smacking Herc’s arm playfully. 

They were flirting with each other! Then maybe those times Alex flirted with the other two weren’t his imagination? Alex and Laf were definitely flirty people. Herc was more resigned. But the look in his eye right now as he looked at Laf… 

No, maybe it was just him projecting his feeling onto the other teens, thinking if they liked each other as well, maybe he could get to be with all of them together. 

Selfish. He told himself. The Voice hadn’t returned since he took this medicine before lunch. It usually stayed away for a few hours afterward. John guessed it got offended that John wanted it gone. Now, this was all him. He was selfish. He shouldn’t even be thinking about the others like this. They had their own lives with their own problems and they didn’t need him daydreaming about dating all three of them to mess them up. 

The other two boys went outside, probably to go out to the football field for practice. John shook himself… He needed to stop daydreaming about dating all of them and get to work. He had much more important things to be focused on. Like figuring out where the hell French Club was…

 

***

 

John entered the classroom where French Club was held and was instantly accosted by the tall, purple-clad, poofy-haired Thomas Jefferson. “Bonjour! Bienvenue au Club Français!”

“Jesus Christ!” John nearly jumped out of his skin, glared at the other teen and pushed him back a little more roughly than was necessary. He had almost balled his fists and laid the tall teen out on the ground when he jumped out at him. “What the fuck do you think you’re about, jumping out at people?”

“En français, S'il vous plaît.” A disinterested young woman at the front of the classroom said as she flipped a page in the magazine.

“Umm… I’m John Laurens… I’m supposed to be learning French like an actual class right now…” He handed the girl his schedule. She glanced at it, sighed and pulled a book and sheet of paper out of the desk she sat at.

“Here’s your book. That’s the syllabus. The teacher will be here on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’m just here to fill in when she isn’t here.” With that, she returned to her magazine with a sigh and left John to find a seat and try to figure out what to do.

John sat at a desk in the corner of the room and started reading the first chapter of the book. As far as he could tell from the syllabus he was supposed to finish at least half of the chapter today and do a few of the review questions for homework.  He was interrupted by Jefferson jumping up from the center of the French Club kids and striding over to John. Jefferson draped himself over the desk next to John’s. “So you want to learn French?”

“En français, S'il vous plaît.” The girl at the front of the class said, not taking her eyes off of her magazine. 

Jefferson just lowered his voice. “You’re Lafayette’s new foster brother, right?”

John didn’t really know how to respond to this flamboyant person. He was startlingly similar to Lafayette himself, but there was something different about him….. He was kind of too much. Too flashy, too self-centered, too focused on what everyone else though of him. He was the kind of person who would do something only because of what others would think of him doing it… 

If John was going to be honest with himself, Laf was kind of the same way; but the way that Laf held himself and interacted with others was endearing. Laf was like 20% less interested in perceptions, and himself. Laf was at least 20% cooler, without trying. That was it, Jefferson tried too hard. And it just rubbed John wrong.

Plus, John still wasn’t over the jealousy of the two of them flirting with each other. In front of him. During study hall.

“Well?” Jefferson pressed when John said nothing, just stared at the taller teen for a while with a strange look on his face. 

“Oh, uh… Yeah. I guess…” John shuffled his papers and averted his eyes away from Jefferson.  He didn’t want to think of any of the boys as his foster brothers… That was too confusing and being attracted to them all at the same time was enough confusion without adding the moral ramifications of: should he even be allowing his feelings to run this way for three boys who were supposed to be like his brothers?

“Good!” Jefferson clapped his hands softly and slid into the seat next to John. “Did he say something about me after study hall?”

“Huh? What?” John was shocked, didn’t Laf say that the two of them were just flirting for fun? Did Jefferson actually have feelings for Laf? Was Laf leading Jefferson on? “I don’t… I mean… I don’t think I can… Aren’t you dating Sally Hemmings?”

“Oh, it’s alright. And I am.” Jefferson flapped a hand, dismissing. “I was just wondering why he was flirting so hard with me in front of Mulligan. He’s usually more considerate of his friend’s feelings.”

“What?” What was that about Hercules? John was going to ask, but Jefferson was already onto the next topic and didn’t seem inclined to return.

“So do you know anything about French? Have you learned anything before now? Can I help you in any way?” Jefferson peppered him with questions and John what flummoxed.

“Well… I… uh….” John wondered if he was ever going to finish a sentence or if his primary mode of communication was going to be in single syllables for the rest of his life.

“Here, I’ll help you when Madame Durand isn’t here. I love France and the French language so I’m just as good a teacher as the real teacher. Have you ever been to France? No? Too bad. Maybe you will get to go sometimes. Its beautiful! Gorgeous! C’est magnifique!! But I digress. Madame Durand teaches at the college so she can’t be here for French Club most days. If you didn’t have to take algebra, you would be able to take regular French during the day and have her teach you everyday. A lot of our teachers are from the college. The school board thinks we will learn and transition to college better if our high school teachers teach us more like college professors. So they hire college professors where they can. It does make for difficult scheduling, though.” Thomas didn’t seem to have an off button. He kept dumping information onto John, eventually cycling around to French greetings and goodbyes. And by the end of the 45 minute club, John’s head was spinning. Thomas quickly packed his things away as soon as the bell rang and smiled at John. “Well, I hope you had a good day, John. See you tomorrow at study hall. If you need to, we can go over the rest of the chapter really quick so you’ll be ahead of the curve.”

With a wink and a smile, Jefferson was gone leaving John thoroughly confused. Was he supposed to hate this guy? Be jealous? Be rivals? Become friends? Things were just too much to deal with… John decided, at least with Thomas Jefferson, to reserve judgement and let himself worry about more important matters. Like figuring out where his three horrible god-like fixations were. And homework.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Jefferson a good guy? Is he a bad guy? The world may never know… lol! jk. I know. And I’m not gonna tell you. 
> 
> And boys flirting with each other is my new life aesthetic… Just saying. 
> 
> I think it was good for John to see that the others like each other too. Even if he justified it in the moment. Sometimes I just want to scream “You aren’t the only one, John!” But how interesting would that be? I gotta keep you guys coming back week after week. ;)
> 
> Also all the boys are so hardheaded, they probably wouldn’t listen to me if I did say something.
> 
> This update supported by CelticMuse34.  
> Talk to me on tumblr @immadoathing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Cave_of_Confusion for the tank top idea!
> 
> This one feels a little short to me, but I also felt like there need to be a bit more fluff in this story. I need the break, you guys need the break, John sure as hell needs the break. So a little bit of happy fluff for all of us!
> 
> Long(ish) explanation on my super long hiatus at the end………..

John found them in one of the indoor football courts and instantly decided that it had been a huge mistake to go looking for Alex, Laf and Herc.

The three of them were in their practice uniforms and pads. John almost left his body when he realized that many of the guys on the team, most importantly his three vexations, wore only the pads and a tight pair of shorts for practicing. It was still cold, bitterly so in New York, but the boys on the team were working hard enough that they had taken off everything that wasn’t essential.

John didn’t realize that he had stopped dead in the middle of the doorway until one of the assistant coaches shouted at him, “In or out, son! You’re letting out all that heat that the board of trustees pay for!” 

A few of the guys that were close enough to hear the coach chuckled. They looked over to see who was in the door and soon were back at practice when the coach called another drill, before John had even had the chance to blush properly he was forgotten. Alex noticed John standing by the, now closed, door. He smiled and waved at John, pointing over at the stands where other students and parents watched as they waited for practice to end. 

Alex was promptly bowled over by the boy behind him who didn’t see that Alex had stopped his drill and the two went down in a pile of flailing arms and legs, both yelling. Alex was able to sneak in a few punches in the mess of flailing limbs, but so too did his teammate. So both boys let the hits go without making a big fuss. The coach nearest Alex pulled the other boy off of him and read him the riot act about not paying attention and hitting other team members. He sent Alex to the showers early to cool down, calling “What’s the matter with you, Hamilton? Get your head in the game!”

Alex was out of the showers with his backpack in a matter of minutes. His hair was still wet as he slid onto the bench next to John to finish watching the practice and he was out of breath. “So how’d your first day go?”

“Oh, it was ok.” John said, watching a drop of water travel down the curve of Alex’s neck. 

Alex smiled at John and leaned back to lounge across three rows of bleachers. “Just ‘ok’? Did you make any new friends? Have any more classes with people you know?”

People John knew. He chuckled, John could count on one hand the number of people he knew at the school before he got there this morning. “I have band with Laf and Eliza… and Seabury.”

“Ugh. That guy really is some kind of dick, isn’t he?” Alex’s attention was now on the field, Herc tackled someone out of the way as Laf ran the ball down the field.

“Aren’t you the Quarterback?” John asked.

“Yah, but Laf is backup. When he isn’t being our Kicker.”  Alex said, offhand. He was thinking about something, a little frown on his face. John noticed that Alex needed to shave again, his fingers itched to reach out and touch the scruff on the other boy’s chin. How scratchy would it be? Would he like the feeling?

“Alex!” A female voice cut into the little bit of silence that had settled around the two. Abby Smith was climbing the bleachers, waving and smiling. She sat next to Alex, neatly sliding herself so that her hip was touching Alex’s and she tugged him up until the other teen sat up. John was instantly on the alert. “You’re finished early?”

“Got kicked off, couldn’t pay attention on the field.” Alex said. He casually draped an arm around Abby’s shoulders as he muttered something about Laf not keeping his guard up high enough. The athletes were dismissed and they all trudged towards the locker room. 

“Did you have a good day at school at least, babe?” Abby asked, attempting to get Alex’s attention on her.

“Hmmm? Oh yeah. Herc and I got some insane studying to do for Algebra 3 tonight. The teacher seems to think that just because he has no life, we don’t have any either.” Alex scoffed, finally giving Abby his attention. 

“Speaking of Algebra,” Abby leaned around Alex and addressed John who had been quietly simmering in anger and jealousy since Alex’s arm went around Abby’s shoulders. She surprised John by asking, “Do you want extra help with your homework? I’m pretty good at math and if we are going to be stuck here together watching the boys play, we may as well get some of our homework done.”

John wanted to refuse. Briefly, he considered ignoring the girl and snubbing her. How had she and Alex started dating… already? It was the first day of classes! But then John remembered that she and Alex had probably had more classes together over the years and they probably knew each other pretty well. John wished that she was petty, or mean, or transphobic so that he’d have a legitimate reason for not wanting to interact with her. But no, she was nice and she was offering to help him. She’d already helped him that day. And if he wanted to pass Algebra, he may need her help. So John replied, “I mean, might as well…”

“Good deal!” Abby said chipper. She gave Alex a peck on the cheek and bounced off as the guys started trickling out of the locker rooms. “See you tomorrow, honey.”

John was too late in changing his expression, he was sure that Laf or Herc, or both, had seen the jealousy on his face as they approached. Laf exchanged a look with Hercules, but John focused his eyes on the ground, mumbled “Ready to go home? I have a shit ton of homework.” and retreated before realizing that he didn’t know where the car was parked.

Thankfully, Hercules caught up to John before he reached the parking not. Herc tugged on one of the sleeves of John’s jacket to get John to look at him. “You ok, man?”

“Yah, fine.” John sighed. The look of genuine concern in Herc’s eyes thawed John’s icy jealousy. At least Herc only flirted with Alex and Laf. Why that didn’t bother John was a mystery… John gave Hercules a weak smile and lied, “Just tired. Its been a really long day…”

“I feel you.” Hercules slung an arm around John’s shoulders and steered him to the right as they left the front of the building. “The good news is Alex already has the homework for chemistry done, all you have to do is copy it so it’s in your handwriting.” 

“And once you do, let him see it and he’ll learn your handwriting.” Laf said as he and Alex caught up to John and Herc. Alex had to take two steps to every one of Laf’s, the short boy shuffled his feet as he walked or else he wouldn’t have needed to walk so fast to keep up. Laf walked like he did everything, as if it didn’t matter to him whether he took the step or not. Laf stretched and dropped his hands behind his head, stretching the muscles under his arms. “Then you don’t even have to take the time to copy it.”

“I should do it myself… how else am I going to learn?” John asked halfheartedly. It sounded like heaven, letting at least one of his classes be taken care of by someone else instead of stressing about almost double the coursework the other students needed to care about. His conscience whispered that it was dishonest, he should do his own work.

“I won’t do it all the time.” Alex scoffed. He glared at Laf who shrugged, Alex stuck out his tongue in response. 

“Keep making that face and it will freeze that way.” Herc chuckled at Alex. Alex turned his sticking out tongue to Hercules. They all laughed and piled into the car, Herc cranking up the heat and pulling out of the parking lot. John smiled in the back seat as he listened to the others talk and complain about their homework. It was a nice way to end his first day of school.

 

***

 

Dinner that night was a circus. Martha and George had decided that they needed to order Chinese takeout, now that George was back in classes and all the boys were back in school. The table was littered with empty and half empty food containers. Some were toppled on their sides, fallen soldiers in the mad dash of four teenagers rushing to get as much food onto their plates as possible. Martha and George asked each of the boys how their day had gone individually. They made the rest of the table be quiet as each boy talked, so everyone got the chance to be heard. 

“So John?” Martha asked John last. “Forth verse same as the first?”

John chuckled, popped a piece of General Tzo’s Chicken in his mouth. “Well, I missed my first class…”

“We know that.” Alex was really bad at just listening. He rolled his eyes and Martha let out an exasperated huff.

“Alexander.” She raised an eyebrow, reminiscent of George and the whole table laughed. 

“Anyway, I went to chemistry.” John said when things settled down again. He decided to just pass over the fight this morning, if none of the other boys had mentioned it. And it seemed like the school hadn’t contacted the Washingtons, and possibly didn’t even know that there had been a fight in the first place. John wasn’t going to make trouble for himself or the others. “There were these three really annoying people in that class. And they all sat around me.”

“Hey!” Hercules looked up from his Egg Foo Young, indignant. John wrinkled his nose at Hercules and just continued his story. 

“I met this guy named Thomas Jefferson in Study Hall.” Alex made a sound and opened his mouth to interrupt, but George  said ’Son.’ quietly and Alex settled. “He’s in French Club  which is at the same time as when I’m supposed to be taking French and he offered to help me with my French homework if I need it. I have lunch with Peggy, Alex, Laf and Herc. Algebra was good.” Not that he remembered much of it, fuming over Lafayette and Jefferson. Should he mention Abby? She was nice, but she was also dating Alex so John was biased… He decided to keep Abby and the gigantic contradiction she represented to himself. “I have Band with Eliza, Laf and this guy named Samuel Seabury. I don’t really like him, but he doesn’t like me either so I guess we are ok.”

“Should you already dislike people, John?” Martha asked him. “It just seems pretty soon to be making enemies. He may surprise you.”

Alex muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, ‘And horses may fart rainbows.’ but John just shrugged and responded to Martha, “I met him at the mall just before Christmas, we had an, umm… disagreement and he still isn’t inclined to forgive or forget.”

Martha just made a face but didn’t try to say anything more so John finished, “I had biology after school, the teacher is nice. And he says that soon other students will be joining for extra study, so I’ll have lab partners. And you kind of already heard about French.”

“Busy day.” George observed. “It sounds like you boys have a lot of homework to get to, so Martha and I will clean up the kitchen tonight. Get to it, boys. Showers start in two hours. Lights out at 10.”

They all climbed the stairs and John went into his room to change into his pajamas so he could do his homework in comfort. He was gathering his books when a soft knock brought his attention to the door. Martha stood at the door. She smiled  and held out a package of undershirts. “I asked some of my staff today after George called me to tell me what happened this morning. One of my PR specialists’ brothers is MTF and she said that he used undershirts sometimes when he couldn’t bind. It won’t… you know.” She gestured to her own chest and mimed making it flat,  “But at least it’s another layer of protection.”

John took the package of tank tops, tears springing to his eyes that Martha was trying to make his life a little bit easier. “Thank you, Martha.”

“Don’t mention it.” She said, “I also made an appointment with our family physician. You still have a few weeks, but it can’t hurt to check on the progress of your ribs. And the doctor can’t see you until next week so you’ll be even more healed by then..”

“Martha…” John couldn’t talk around the lump in his throat. 

“You don’t have to say anything, John.” She smiled at him and jerked her head in the direction of the game room. “Go get to work and do your homework, young man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a little bit of jealousy, but all in all a fluffy, happy, stress free chapter!
> 
> So I went back and looked at the chapter that Cave_of_Confusion suggested tank tops, that was chapter 4. This is chapter 10. John’s first day of school was five and a half chapters long. If you count from waking up, to coming home then it was seven chapters… Jesus what a beast!
> 
> And we still didn’t get to English, or any of John’s art classes… damn, y’all. 
> 
>  
> 
> I’m a horrible person… I really am… I left you all hanging for so long…. I’ve been having problems with my roommate and it caused me to get super depressed. I didn’t do anything but watch tv and go to work for weeks. I’m still super stressed, but the roommate is out of the picture. She skipped out on the rent on me….
> 
> And the worst part is that she claims that I owe her because our power was out after Irma for six days and she decided to go get a hotel and then to stay in the hotel for two days after the power was back on… Like, everyone still has to pay their rent, what makes you so special? I’m not paying for you to have a vacation…. And I had to take out the trash, and I had to clean the common areas, and I had to go get the mail, and I had to mow the lawn. She wanted me to do everything and then bitched at me for not getting everything done. I swear I felt like Cinderella……. 
> 
> So now I’m working 7 days a week trying to make enough to cover rent by myself because I am NOT getting another roommate. They are too much work and I’d rather work myself to the bone than be stressed out and feel uncomfortable in my own home. Hopefully I can figure this out to where I don’t have to work every day a week and pull doubles all the time, but until then all my attention is going towards surviving… so it doesn’t leave much room for being creative and writing…. I’ll try to find time and hopefully this writers block brought on by massive loads of stress will just go away… I’m still here though. Still working on it.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry if this one and the next few are a little short… The Word processor that came with my computer doesn’t have a word count feature, and it doesn’t have a page count either. I’m kind of writing blind.
> 
> Also, this is just another in my steady string of lies I tell you. Remember when I said there wouldn’t be any more therapist scenes? Lol yep. I lie a lot, mostly to my self. 
> 
> I’m favoring Herc again. Sorry, not sorry. I love my little hulking teddy bear! I’m just super fond of the characters that get overlooked in other works.


End file.
